Thursday, November 13, 2008

Confession

I was going through my email archives and I found this.  It's pretty hilarious (and a bit old) and I thought I would share.  Though, it's a bit raunchy but hey, parental guidance is already recommended on my blog.  So, here it is.

Hello, my name is Smarty and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion bloody chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Facebook or hotmail will delete your account or charge you cash in the future if you don't forward this crap and prove your alive, or you don't like someone anymore and they are not your BFF unless they forward this email with hearts, roses and guilt trip.

And no ... Applebee's or any other restaurant is NOT going to give you a gift certificate if you forward an email.

Forwarding garbage will not make little cartoon characters fornicate on your computer screen if you hit the select number of forwards!

TRY IT, IT REALLY WORKS! Also known as the mating call of the moron.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I might actually give a shit if it WORKED! This is an idiot detector!

If you are unsure how email, your computer, or the 'forward' button works, perhaps you should give your computer to someone with a clue. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day. 

And for all the people who keep sending me chain emails, I always wanted to send this back to you but I couldn't because one has to open an email to reply to it.  I hope you get the point.

Now stop sending me junk!

Adios

7 comments:

  1. LOL, the letter's awesome. I think I might send it back whenever I receive one of these forward mails.

    People are actually such idiots, they don't realize they're compromising on your security and privacy. One time, someone forwarded me mail (and all the 200 jackasses on her list) and next thing I know, my ultra private address is on the contact list of every loser with MSN Messenger access. Lamesville, alright. :)

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  2. Again man you really dont need to right these idiotic things in your blog. That is the reason i said that you are a new LOW for Pakistanis. you dont even know the topics you should write on.
    Every body is fd up of chain mails and i am sure every body would have got that email so please ........

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  3. @misspecs: You should send this back (doesn't matter if that'll make you open their emails first) but people need to know how stupid they are acting like. :)

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  4. @Anonymous: I think it's me who decides what to put here and what not. So, either be brave enough to reveal yourself or shut up and stop visiting. I wonder what makes you coming back to this blog if you think it's this low. Ever heard of a word 'self-respect'?

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  5. Oh for the love of God Anon, get a life! It's a private freaking blog for pete's sake!

    Couldn't agree more with this nicely-constructed reply of chain letters. Am sick of them alright!

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  6. "a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email."

    Hilarious..

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  7. hahahaha


    and i never got that leper in Botswana chain letter, its so funny i would have sent it to the whole world ...

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