JDèé Quest

The Bond

2011-05-10T22:55:00.001+05:00

The Bond, originally uploaded by JDèé.

The Wait

2011-02-04T02:13:00.001+05:00

The Wait, originally uploaded by JDèé.

Little Johnny And His Father

2010-08-31T12:30:00.005+05:00

Little Johnny was in his class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did. All the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman etc.

Little Johnny was quiet so the teacher asked him about his father. "My Dad's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off his clothes in front of other men."

Stunned, the teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring and then took Little Johnny aside to ask him if that really was true. "No, my father plays cricket for Pakistan. I was just too embarrassed to tell."

Happy 63rd Birthday, Pakistan!

2010-08-14T01:19:00.001+05:00

Happy 63rd Birthday, Pakistan! , originally uploaded by JDèé.

And Ramazan Mubarak, everyone!
May this holy month bring prosperity in our lives, peace in our country and relief to the flood victims. May the the upcoming year be the best one yet.

Memories

2010-08-11T02:44:00.001+05:00

Memories, originally uploaded by JDèé.

Rumor has it

2010-08-04T01:03:00.001+05:00

That this blog might be getting active again!

Just Arrived

2010-08-04T00:38:00.001+05:00

Just Arrived, originally uploaded by JDèé.

Red

2010-03-10T11:30:00.004+05:00

Spring is here, enjoy!

Chitkabri: Jo k aik gai hai

2009-11-30T17:27:00.002+05:00

Guest post by a friend

Chitkabri is a two toothed cow, which unlike its predecessors is very friendly and was born and raised in-home like a child (ghar ki palli hai), she can be categorized as “sexy” as they say beauty lies in the eyes of beholder, and this insight is coming from a couple of bulls, who referred to her as a “HOT MAMA”

Unlike Sajawal from the last eid, Chitkabri happens to belong to Sahiwal, however was bought from Bahawalpur Mandi and transported to Karachi, so she is not new to distances and travelling.

She is a core Punjabi and this can be traced from each and every act of her, and the catwalk (as they call it) depicts the walk of an “Alhar Mutyar”, she finds comfort in humming the Heer Waris Shah in wee hours of the night while she is doing juggali.

Whereas Sajawal (R.I.P), was a different animal altogether (literally), normally the colours of sind ran through her veins and Kafi Sachal Sarmast from Abida Parveen was her preference.

She likes to model but the research and red eye correction algorithms of Sony Cybershot seem to fail on Chitkabri, if she looks straight at the camera; you would find two red hot globes of fire starring back at you.

On the first look you might mistake her for a huge Dalmatian, its only when you see her munching on bhoosa that she is a different specie. White skin and dark spots, like chocolate fudge on vanilla ice cream.

Although we would not be staying together for a long time but Chitkabri will always be remembered in the highest of regards.

Eid Mubarak everyone!

WTF?

2009-10-31T01:09:00.001+06:00

Location: Dental clicnic in Khi
Characers: JDee and the dentist
Scene: Almost done with a three year long procedure, the two are discussing how to move forward

Dentist: Now that we are just about done, I am telling you that I am gonna cut your gums a bit.
JDee: Excuse me?
Dentist: Yah, it's gonna make your profile better.
JDee: Really?
Dentist: Yah. In fact I just did one yesterday. Let me show it to you.

Dentist takes JDee to his computer and loads up pics of some poor teenaged gal's bleeding, bruised, burned gums.

JDee: [thinking that it looks painful] Eww, does the procedure hurt?
Dentist: According to her, a lot.
JDee: And according to you?
Dentist: Well, it shouldn't. It's not like I actually cut out flesh, I only burn it away with laser. The only unpleasant thing should be the smell of burning flesh if you are allergic to it.
JDee: Ahh, I see your point. Thank God, I am not allergic. [WTF?]

Cheap In Germany

2009-10-27T18:02:00.003+06:00

JD: Dude, what is cheap in Germany and you can bring in with your luggage?

Bonzi: Indians. They are like everywhere.

JD: OK.

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-21T12:10:00.001+06:00

Eid Mubarak to all Muslims in the world. May this Eid brings happiness in our lives and peace and prosperity in our world.

Ramadan Mubarak

2009-08-23T20:50:00.001+06:00

Ramadan Greetings to all Muslims around the world. May this holy month brings prosperity in our lives and peace in our world.

We are Sorry, Mr. Jinnah

2009-08-13T02:13:00.001+06:00

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip – Part 5

2009-07-10T00:50:00.001+06:00

But wait, just as we left, a most chilling site awaited us:

It was the ghost of ‘Maskara Khan’, the court clown of the King Nasir-uddi(n) Shaikha; who suffered a most horrified, terrified, and petrified death.

How? Maskara Khan, who despite being warned, was found taking a dump in the King’s sacred fountain:

You can just see the agony on everyone’s face with their hands to the head; they can’t believe what just happened!

Even Maskara Khan, who although has no dignity or honor, for once can’t believe it himself!

Maskara Khan just turned away while the rest stood shell-shocked! No one will ever take a bath here again.

Although he tried to make a get-away, yet our knight in shining (glasses) fought a dual with Maskara Khan, and finally succeeded in delivering the King’s decree:

Maskara Khan was hanged, and mutilated against the gate’s sharp spears, and left for dead (while still smiling), to serve as a reminder to all mankind, for not properly checking (in) his code (of conduct)!

And so endeth our tale of long ago, and with that our adventure, and this story!

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip – Part 4

2009-07-09T22:18:00.001+06:00

To fast forward, some pictures of the fort (with commentary):

The leaning tower of Pisa

Light at the end of the tunnel

Age-old Post office with mail boxes

Modern day water tank!?! (What the hell is that doing in an abandoned old fort?)

The tunnel to no return

Trigger-happy: Careful buddy! I’ll shoot if you do!

Lost

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip – Part 3

2009-07-08T23:07:00.001+06:00

As if things couldn’t get worse, they just did. The power steering went out of order. So we decided to stop at Moro. We had the team split up as it would take some time, and decided to have lunch during that. O, Massa Khan, MF and I went to have lunch, while the rest had the car repaired. Now all this while, Massa Khan kept updating the status on Facebook, to give a firsthand account of our progress.

While we had lunch in a totally air conditioned environment (O wouldn’t have it any other way), the rest were in search for ‘Ustad Guloo’, regarded as the expert in repairing any type of vehicle having at least one wheel.

Our explorers waded out into the thick jungle (encroachments) of Moro city, searching for the Chownk! They finally managed to find him. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, we were really starting to feel tired from our hectic and ever-so-long wait in the AC surroundings. We even tried tea, going to the toilets multiple times and taking pictures of other people, but in vain. Finally, we got word that the other team was headed back, with the Power Steering all repaired. But if we thought that lady luck had finally smiled on us, we were in for another surprise, the belt that runs the Power Steering motor broke again. Hell man! Even a Chinese or Pakistani made belt lasts more than 15 minutes!

By this time, everyone was fed up, and hence we had to bring Plan Z into action: Massa Khan!!

Massa Khan took to the steering wheel, gripped it hard, and drove the BAAWno like his very own, …. ahh Truck.

Finally, we reached our destination, the beautiful fort at Kot Diji.

Access to the fort was blocked by massive gates at the entrance, having killer spikes.

Since pets were not allowed, we hung Massa Khan on the gates to make sure he didn’t run away:

The small gate was the only way into the fort, in which you had to bend over to get in. It was guarded by a chowkidar, on our request, he stepped back to let us in. Of course, a bent down R with short shorts in full view of the chowkidar helped here.

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip – Part 2

2009-07-08T01:35:00.001+06:00

On our arrival to the Trucker’s stand, we were welcomed by Massa Khan’s friends:

Massa Khan greeted them by saying “Doggy Doggy!!”; and they replied in kind by saying “Kuttay Kuttay!!”.

After having our breakfast (what else, but paratha & chaye), we were soon off again; and even sooner stopping again, as now JD’s car had an upset stomach. This time it was a wire on fire! This was pit stop number 2.

Luckily, A got in contact with his Mamoo who lives in Hyderabad, and he was able to guide us to some mechanics in Jamshoro, so as to avoid Hyderabad city. This was pit stop number 3. We were able to get the wire repaired, and while we got our ice box filled up, Massa Khan put in a quick order for Paratha. Why again and so soon you might ask, first of all because the first breakfast was for Massa Khan, this one was for Munna! And secondly, the first breakfast didn’t have any ‘unda’ (omelet), and so no nashta can be complete for Massa Khan without that.

Off we were again, past the Jamshoro Barrage, where photography was prohibited (oops, my bad).

Of course, there was no AC, but for the while, we braved the heat lashes stroking our faces. We had a death defying incident when a truck suddenly came in front of our car, but JD’s quick reaction was able to stop the car in time and avoid a collision.

Further on, due to diversions, the highway often became a two way, and when some buses came in the second lane headed towards us, JD had to manage again. JD showed the middle finger by projecting his arm outside the window, and the bus drives waved back thinking that JD was saying hi. “What a nice fellow to get his car off the road into the side ditch and still say hi!”, they must have thought!

On again, and off again (off the road that is). If it wasn’t us being forced off the road by others, it was the car making us do so. How many pit stops, I’ve lost count!

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip – Part 1

2009-07-06T01:44:00.001+06:00

Our journey began like any other; … with a plan.

And as most plans that we tend to make and which eventually end up in the trash can, this one too was destined for the same fate. Worse was the fact that it was being sketched out by AVS, not that AVS’s planning is any bad, just that when he is adamant to go himself, it always tends to fail. But as they say, sometimes you get lucky once in a blue moon; and this time it was literally exactly that (read on), and AVS was able to pull off the plan successfully.

Did I say successfully!? Hmmm … At least the plan was successful, never mind its execution!

So with arrangements made (mostly thanks to AVS), we agreed to gather at his place early on Saturday morning, on June the 6th. But before I proceed any further, let me introduce you to the cast of this, anything but brief, “Road (S)trip” :
A: Director of Photography and Event Manager, he’s got all angles covered.
JD: Editor-in-Cheap, anything you say or suggest will be cut short by “Maaf kar do”.
F: Hair Stylist, he has a special way of servicing Motor Mechanics.
R: Site & Location expert and an emerging camera-man; CHEERS!!
S aka Massa Khan: Comedian Actor. With an IQ of 1.5, he’s a natural. Other traits include being a Truck driver, Bus driver, Riksha driver; but sorry, he can’t drive a gadha gardi; since when have you ever heard a car driving itself. Under this profession, he goes by the name of “Massa Khan”. (He’s ideal for situations where a car’s Power Steering has just gone bust.)
O: Our beloved heroin; must be provided with an Air Conditioned environment at all times.
MF: The Good Guy and the Fantasizer, but don’t go by his name; he usually is the one on the received end.
H: Writer, PR Manager and “Maachis ki teeli”, has no morals and will report anything and everything that is material for ridicule.
Some other members who were unable to join:
Ajju: Bouncer; first one to run off in case of a fight.
Phajja: The Suga Daddy Mommy and sweetheart of every, not necessarily, gay man.
Uddi: The not so good, but bad and definitely ugly villain, requiring no makeup to play the role of a frightening beast; little ghosts & poltergeists check above their graves and behind their tombstones to make sure that Uddi is not hiding there waiting to scare the moon-lights out of them.
The Many Ex-Colleagues: The Extras that JD wanted to bring along for some unknown reason.

Anyways, back to the story.

For once, everyone managed to reach on time, that being 6 AM.

But then A disappeared for 20 minutes in his house, F went to pray, and Massa Khan went sniffing about for Paratha & Chaye once the Dhaabas started opening. Anyways, we were off by 6:20, with A, F and me strapped in JD’s car; the other’s in R’s. Once passed the Toll Plaza, we were in full speed to our first stop, that being “Hala”, where we intended to have breakfast.

But the gods were with Massa Khan this time round; his rumbling belly cried out to the heavens, begging for some miracle (more like debacle) to happen, and so that we stop mid-way. And that’s exactly what happened; JD’s AC started blowing smoke, and by the time we eventually stopped and got out, the outside environment was cooler than inside the car. This was pit stop number 1.

Sindh Safari – Road (S)trip

2009-07-05T03:04:00.002+06:00

I went with my friends to explore Sindh. Well, we had planned for Kot Diji, to be precise but some mishaps with my car made us stay overnight and gave us enough time to explore other places as well.

Anyways, we had gone there last month and upon our return, one of my friends, HZM, narrated the whole story in his own unique style. Yup, you guessed it right. This is the same HZM that did a post on the shoe-throwing conspiracy.

Anyways, i am gonna include his creation on this blog. The next few posts will be his.

Facebook Blues!

2009-06-27T16:30:00.001+06:00

Just got a friendship invite:

No bedroom wannabies!?!?!?!

And they got this from this profile picture.

WTF?

Against All Odds!

2009-06-22T00:02:00.001+06:00

Against all odds, against the biggest teams, we won!
The atmosphere here is electric. Fireworks, dances, sweets, congratulatory messages and calls have got the networks jammed and I am stuck at my friend's valima and blogging from my cell phone. Grrr!
Pakistan Zindabad!

Random Stuff

2009-06-20T03:03:00.002+06:00

So, we are into the final of the World T20 Championships. Yesterday, while watching our semi-final game against South Africa, I was jumping with joy with every wicket we took and every six we hit. I don’t think I have been this excited about Cricket for years. It’s surely good to be back. And although this win deserves a post of it’s own (believe me, there are plenty out there), I don’t wanna jinx it yet as there is still one tough (and most important) game to go yet. We have been playing superbly lately but Sri Lanka, the other finalists, have been awesome too. Go Pakis, I am sure we can beat any team any day if we play to our potential. Looking forward to a great game this Sunday.

Two of my friends that I went to school with are getting married this weekend. Well, not to each other. They are both guys and I don’t think it’s legal in Pakistan yet. I feel wierd, is this a sign?

I am hung up on this superb performance by Saeen Zahoor and Noori in the first episode of Coke Studio’s second season. I didn’t follow the first season as such but Man, the show is awesome. And we have some serious talent over here. The lyrics are just super awesome and Saeen Zahoor’s part is as amazing as it can get.

Below are the lyrics, courtesy Sufined.

Parh parh ilm te faazil hoya
Te kaday apnay aap nu parhiya naaee
Bhaj bhaj warna ai mandar maseeti
Ve kadi mun apnay wich warya naaee
Larna ay roz shaitaan de naal
Ve kadaay nafs apnay naal larya naaee
Bulleh Shah, asmaani ud-diyaan pharonda ay
Te jera ghar bheta unoo pharya naaee
Buss kareen o yaar
Ilmon buss kareen o yaar
Ik Alif teray darkar
Buss kareen o yaar

Below is the video, courtesy YouTube.

Oh, and Paimona is awesome too.

I have been to Kot Diji lately. Will post in detail about that eventful trip in a day or two.

Random Stuff

2009-05-21T00:09:00.002+06:00

A friend directed me to this awesome website recently, where you share with the world how f***ed up your life really is and people agree with you and/or tell you that you deserved it. Listed below are some random stories:

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I woke up and realized how stupid my name MSA Khan is. FML

These aren’t the best ones, there are just so many, it’s really hard to pick your favorites. And the last one is made up but it’s still pretty funny. Sorry, MSA Khan.

Speaking of funny stuff, Five Rupees have a post about how PPP supports nepotism within their ranks. The post is really serious and there is nothing new in that. The comments section is where it gets interesting and when people start comparing MQM and PPP:

The MQM is also an incredibly decentralized party, in its day-to-day operations. It's sort of run like a large firm that way, as opposed to the PPP, which is run like a large farm.

People familiar with Pakistani political scene can easily make out what it means. Yawar further goes on to post random funny facts about Altaf Hussain in the comments section of the same post. Some of them are listed below:

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Altaf Hussain is.
Altaf Hussain once visited The Virgin Islands, they are now known as The Islands.
Altaf Hussain was created in a secret Pakistani laboratory, and was supposed to be raised as a caged experiment. Nobody knows what happened next, but there are now no scientists in Pakistan.
Altaf Hussain doesn't sleep. He waits.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Altaf Hussain has allowed to live.
Altaf Hussain is the only one who can "try this at home".

It makes you wonder, doesn’t it.

Speaking of that, I am also wondering what in the blue hell Kash Hussain was thinking designing stuff like this for Pakistani males. I don’t know who Kash Hussain is, I only stumbled upon his work because I stalk this fashion photographer on flickr, but assuming he is a dress designer, I totally agree with the first comment on the photo “without doubt the most ridiculous piece of clothing ever seen on a human being”. Where (in Pakistan) and why (in all their sanity) on earth he thinks someone is gonna wear this is beyond me.

Speaking of Pakistan, Google has put up the digital maps for all major Pakistani cities online, which is accessible on GPS enabled cell phones using the Google maps mobile application. These maps were created by us Paksitanis using Google’s mapmaker tool and Karachi is mapped to the little tid-bits. It’s an awesome must try thing for people that have advance cell phones.

Tada.

Gwadar Trip

2009-05-14T00:59:00.001+06:00

I had gone to Gwadar with friends back in January 2009. It was an awesome trip and we had tons of fun. I didn’t blog on it then and it’s old story now. But someone on facebook asked me about it yesterday. He wanted to plan a similar trip for himself and I (and my friend FS) ended up writing him a detailed reply.

Thought I would share those on my blog for the ones who are also planning a similar trip to Gwadar from Karachi.

Travel is around 10 hours one side. Cost was PKR 18000 for the round trip in a 12 seater Hiace. There are some bad patches in the way and only diesel is available and that too is very scarce. I'd recommend hiring a diesel ride instead of taking your cars.

Accommodation was at the Naval officers' mess, with nominal cost (around PKR 3000 for food/breakfast/stay/everything). Try to book that naval mess if you have some connections in the Army/Navy. It's the best deal you can get there. Other options are not-so-good-and-inexpensive manjhi hotels and a ted-more-expensive PC Gwadar, which, by the way is a must see place there.

Itinerary should be like:

1) Hub (Nothing of note here)
2) Gadani (Great beach, but skip this for this trip)
3) Sonmiani (Nothing to see)
4) Winder (The last major town for a long way, stock up on food and fuel here).
5) MCH starts (120~150 KM)
6) Hingol National Park
6a) Mud volcano (have to go off road for about 2 hours)
6b) Bridge over Hingol, also nearby (0.5-1 hour) is a Hindu temple
6c) Kund Malir Beach (best beach on the way, definitely stop here)
6d) Buzi Pass ( a long pass that takes you up the mountains and then down to the beach. Great view, do stop along the way)
7) Ormara (250 Km from Karachi). Reasonably good beach. Can stay or camp here if you have time and\or connections in the Navy.
8) Pasni (~350-400 km). Approximately mid point. No petrol pump in between Ormara and Pasni. Another Naval base.
9) Gwadar (650 Km): Explore the town, the beach and definitely go to PC, if you are not staying there. Few islands nearby, we didn't go there, so can't tell much.

Some things to note are that we were 8 people and the total cost came close to around PKR 24000. But then, we had to spend very little on food/accommodation.

We left Karachi around 9 on a Saturday morning and got there around 7 in the evening. You guys should try to leave earlier (around Fajr, if you can) and get there in sunlight and catch both the sunset and the sunrise there. We left Gwadar around noon the next day and got to Karachi around 10 at night.

Gwadar itself does not offer much, other than the Pearl Continental and the beach. But there are plenty of other beaches on the way. It's actually the Makran Coastal Highway that is worth seeing so plan your stops on the highway accordingly.

Plan for the worst on the highway. Keep extra food/medical kit/fuel with you guys. There is not a lot of traffic/help available there if anything goes wrong.

Some Pictures that I took on the way:

Have fun.

Some Days Are Just Bad

2009-05-07T01:09:00.003+06:00

Bad enough to deserve a dedicated blogpost .

Arsenal lost Champion League's semifinal against ManU in a dreadful display of soccer from their side late at night. Arsenal were no match to ManU. Heck, Arsenal are not a match to ManU, probably the best soccer club in the world, on most days. But I, along with most other non ManU supporters I know, hate the club because of the holier-than-thou attitude of its fans. Or maybe, that breed is only present in Pakistan.

Anyways, the night was ruined.

I then got a headache/fever when I got up that wasted the first half of my day as well.

When I finally dragged myself to office, I got my car bumper detached by an eager motorcyclist on my way who then claimed it was my mistake as he had told me (from underneath his helmet) to stop and let him go the wrong way first.

If that wasn't enough, I got into an insane argument 2 minutes later when an upcoming car waalay uncle refused to let me pass first and wanted me to back off 50 yards so that he didn't have to back off 5. He pointed at his beard and asked "kitni umer hai aapki?" [how old are you?]. I might look young but I have been driving since the age of 14. Still, I didn’t know what that warranted. Someone please tell me how to tackle that.

And then when I finally made it to the office, I found out that some important meetings had got postponed and our internet connection there had been suspended because of a misunderstanding between the installation and the billing departments of the ISP, which resulted in more wasted time.

And then there is no tennis on Wednesdays and that didn’t help either.

Some days are just bad.

Test

2009-05-05T12:46:00.000+06:00

Test post from mobile.

Consistently Inconsistent

2009-05-05T01:17:00.001+06:00

The Pakistanis have done it again.

After failing to chase a mere 198 from being 95-0 in the third game against the Aussies, they successfully overcame 250 after being 56-3 in the last one. Only two games late, though.

The demoralizing loss in the third game was the crucial one in my opinion (also in Alam’s, who also happened to be our coach when we won the cup 17 years ago). It dented the morale of the team and anybody remotely keen on following Pakistani Cricket.

The problem with being someone that cheers the Pakistani Cricket team (me being guilty of the charge) is that they don’t even let you go off the hook. Just when you think that time has come to let go the passion, they come up with some great win out of nowhere and then you get hooked again only to be disappointed even further later. Another trick of theirs is to entice you into following by playing good cricket at the start (of the series/match/whatever) and it is only when they self-destruct afterwards that you know it has all been a scam. You know, consistently inconsistent!

It was a good cricket series for us, nevertheless. We got international exposure of some value after a long time and nobody expected us to beat the Aussies anyway, right? I hope that they learned something from the series. I also hope to see our team back in action on the international arena more regularly now.

Looking forward to the T20 world cup as well.

Interviewed

2009-04-27T15:06:00.005+06:00

I have been interviewed by The Pakistani Spectator.

At first when I got their invite for the interview, I was quiet flattered (I even showed it off to a few friends) but later I found out that they kept interviewing bloggers and it wasn't that big a deal.

A few bloopers happened as well.

Firstly, they posted it with my real name for some reason and not with the nick that I use (probably got that from my email conversation with them). There goes the cover.

Secondly, all links that I had included in the answers got removed in their formatting and so some of the stuff doesn't make sense anymore like the message to the readers.

Anyways, the interview can be found here. Below is the extract for the lazy ones:

I am JDèé, a blogger from Karachi. I am an MBA by qualification and a software engineer by profession. My blog is named JDèé Quest and can be found here. This is a place where I just blurt out random stuff, sometimes serious, sometimes funny and sometimes just plain stupid. Other than blogging, I try reading, photography and tennis.

Could you tell us what made you decide to blog, and what was the inspiration behind it?
I had recently graduated from the business school that I had been attending for my MBA degree. It was an executive program so it pretty much took all my spare time. So when I graduated, I had quiet a lot of spare time and I started a few hobbies back then. Blogging was one of those. I wanted to use the forum to make a difference. I want to light a candle, as little as it may be, do my part and hope that others do theirs. Who knows, there might be light someday. More about that here .

What do you think sets Your blog apart from other blogs?
I have just started blogging, I don’t think my blog is one of a kind or anything. But as I said, you can find anything on this blog, sometimes funny, sometimes serious and sometimes just plain stupid.

If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?
I have a very positive approach to life. More often than not, I’ll be noticing the half full part of the glass. I think this has played a major part in whatever little success I have got so far.

What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?
There are too many happy ones and too little gloomy ones so it’s hard to say.

Urdu Blogs have got huge potential, when do you think they will really take on the online horizon in Pakistan?
I think urdu blogs do have a huge potential. Currently I feel that urdu blogs do not have a very large fan following because the famous Pakistani English bloggers dont have counterparts in the Urdu blogosphere. I think it’s gonna take some time before they take on the online horizon.

If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s paid for - what would your top 3 choices be?
Paris, Langkawi, Rome

What is your favorite book and why?
Shahabnama because it teaches you how to live a principled life.

What is your favorite meal, dress, and sport?
Biryani, shirt-trouser and tennis.

Which are the top 3 places in Pakistan for honeymoon?
Well, I can only think of 2, Murree/surrounding areas and the Northern areas. And the current security situation at the Northern areas just leaves Murree around.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?
The way they carry themselves around and treat the people that are around them. Oh! And also their teeth. I had horrible teeth once so I have this habit of judging others’.

Whose Future is more bright in Pakistan; English blogs or Urdu Blogs?
It’s too early to say if Urdu blogs have a better future in Pakistan than English ones.

How Pakistani bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?
There are a lot of things Pakistani bloggers can do to make their blogs financially viable but the first and foremost is to establish a good reader base and for that, one needs to come up with regular good quality blog posts and market their blogs appropriately.

Do you think Pakistani bloggers tend to remain somewhat self-centered and really don’t go out of their shells? Is it the oriental style of blogging, or they are still unsure about it?
I believe blogging as a medium draws strength from self-centered writing. People essentially write about themselves, their friends, their interests etc. It is the global style of blogging.

What do you think where the Pakistani blogosphere is right now?
I think the Pakistani blogosphere is evolving at an exponential rate. The trend is catching on and more and more blogs are being used for productive purposes.

Who are your top five favourite bloggers in Pakistan?
Well, there are just so many blogger friends, it’s hard to shortlist 5 but these are some of the blogs that I follow regularly.
Five Rupees
Tazeen
Misspecs
Yawar
Saadat

Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger in Pakistani blogosphere?
Well, not really. Everyone is unique in their own unique way and so are their blogs.

What is the future of blogging in Pakistan?
The future of blogging in Pakistan is quiet bright. As I said, the Pakistani blogosphere is evolving at an exponential rate.

You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?
Well, initially it had taken a toll on my personal life but I have learned to balance it now. It does not affect my personal or professional life anymore.

What are your future plans?
Future plans about blogging? I am gonna continue to blog till I feel I can’t make a difference anymore or it stops motivating me.

Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?
Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Happy knowing me.

Tada

Think Different

2009-04-07T23:53:00.005+05:00

Here is to the crazy ones …
The misfits …
The rebels …
Trouble makers …
The round pegs in square holes …
The ones who see things differently.
They are not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them …
But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things …
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world …
Are the ones who do.
Think different!

Accomplished

2009-04-06T00:52:00.008+05:00

I broke my tennis racket.

As you all know, I have been rocking at tennis lately. It so happened that I sucked at it on Thursday. I just couldn’t connect. It just felt like the balls (tennis ones) got heavier all of a sudden. My racket rolled over in my hand whenever I tried a volley. I barely won the first game (still) and I lost the second one pretty badly.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong and how I lost the game that bad. This doesn’t happen a lot, believe me. Well, this has more to do with the fact that my tennis buddies are bigger losers than I am than me rocking the court (sorry, guys) but still, this doesn’t happen a lot.

Anyways, I thought there was something wrong with the grip. It had, after all, gone all rusty and soft. So, the next day I stopped by at the sports good store and got the grip replaced. It made a little difference and it felt better at the game that day but still it was not the way it used to be.

It was only after I missed another shot that I noticed that little crack at one side that I had been missing all this time. Even the guy who changed the grip overlooked it conveniently (and charged me 150 bucks to replace something that wasn’t even broken).

Anyhow, if someone is wondering how the deceased looked like, she looked like this:

Somehow, I feel good. I know that it might sound weird but it’s true. In fact, I feel accomplished. I am the first one in my tennis group to achieve this feat with our fake-Chinese-copies-of-original-Wilson-rackets-that-should-ve-been-broken-all-ends-up-after-six-months-of-tennis-already. I feel that I have outgrown the first stage of amateur tennis and although, I would have preferred getting there in this fashion, I still like the fact that I made it there:

I am also excited about getting a new one, now.

Adios amigos.

Invaluable

2009-03-30T00:26:00.003+05:00

Guest post by AVS:

India has seen a lot of success in the recent times. Pakistan, on the other hand, has seen some of the worst crises in its history. The younger generation in Pakistan, is becoming increasingly pessimistic, comparing Pakistan to the US, UK and India, citing the economic and social growth they have experienced. I just wanted to show the Pakistani people just one face of the true worth of their invaluable country. I repeat, INVALUABLE. It's a pity that we only realize the worth when we look at stories like this.

Ehsan Jafri was an Indian Member of Parliament in the 6th Lok Sabha, representing the Indian National Congress Party. Jafri was burnt to death in his own home by Hindu rioters during the Gujarat riots of 2002. One of the rioters involved, Madan Chawal recalled (Tehelka):

Paanch-chheh jan pakad liye the, phir usko jaise pakad ke khada rakha phir logon mein se kisi ne talwar maari… haath kaate… haath kaat ke phir pair kaate… phir na sab kaat dala… phir tukde kar ke phir lakda jo lagaye thhe, lakde uspe rakh ke phir jala daala… zinda jala daala…
"Five or six people held him, then someone struck him with a sword… chopped off his hand, then his legs… then everything else… after cutting him to pieces, they put him on the wood they’d piled and set it on fire… burnt him alive…"

You might want to read this story. Devastating and extremely scary. Thank god for Pakistan. Learn to respect your country, it's the most valuable gift by Allah to us.

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main35.asp?filename=Ne031107safehouseofhorrors.asp&page=1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ehsan_Jafri#cite_note-tehelka-1

And btw, Narendar Modi is the frontrunner for the BJP's nomination as the next PM of India. Best of luck to all the minorities there.

Pakistan Zindabad.

Grrrrrrrr!

2009-03-18T01:25:00.006+05:00

These RBS guys are amazing. And I don’t mean the good kind.

I have their credit card. I didn’t use that this whole month and even then they sent me a bill for 50 paisas (0.5 rupees, 0.007 dollars). When I called them to inquire, they told me to pay up via a one rupee cheque or else I’d bear a fine for 500 rupees or so. I mean seriously, WTF?

Now I have to write them a check, fill up their stupid form, find their drop box and drop it there (not to mention take pics of the whole thingy), which was precisely the stuff that I was trying to avoid this month when I refrained from using their card.

And all this to pay up half a rupee that I didn’t even use in the first place. I mean like, grrrrrrrr!

The Fight

2009-03-15T02:17:00.004+05:00

A fellow blogger and an ex-classmate from college has chalked out an agenda to fight terrorism and improve the image that we and our country have developed over time.

Let’s Have A Fight

Terrorists have pushed us to the wall, some wonders what future has in store. And there are so many things in life that one could just curse these terrorists for ruining plans of a bigger and better life. But now I wonder for how long we can turn a blind eye to this all and keep on focusing on our own future, are we all waiting for the death of a close family member so that we can wake up and do something about it. Or even then , all we would do is to run away to some foreign land.
So when after twenty years, if my niece would ask me that how come Taliban got hold of Pakistan then all I would be saying will be ,

Sweetie, I was so coward that I didn't do anything to fight them. I didn't even thought about you and stayed busy with my own life and when I felt that they are too close to my throat then I ran away to this foreign land.

And no, I am never going to say this to her. Because I have had enough. I have decided to start my fight.
Terrorists are having fun, I mean quite some fun. They are killing us while sitting right in our home. They are killing us right,left and center, and all we are doing is to listen to those moronic newscasters.
To the likes of that b****** Sufi and all other so-called Jihadies, and our all other enemies, I would like to say just one thing

My forefathers gave their lives to get this piece of land, and I am running nowhere just because of your fear. I'll stay here because its my land and you are the intruder. I'll take every possible measure to make sure that my own kids stay here and life turns out to be much more beautiful for them. You are not going to get this country that easy.

So what's the fight plan ? Stay tune for that.

And then she has chalked out a plan on how to carry on with this fight.

The Fight Is On

The fight is on and I'll do everything to play my role. No I am not aiming to become a suicide attacker, I am sure situation doesn't call for such desperate measures and I am quite certain that I have many beautiful things in life to look forward to. So here's my strategy, if you like it you are most welcome to adopt it , if you don't then don't bother to point it to me.
1. Be the hope
In all my years of managing projects I figured out that it all comes down to how you can keep your juniors motivated and hopeful, can you crack a joke at 2 a.m. with a critical situation at hand ? In short can you give people a hope that everything will eventually turn out to be quite good ? At many times, this is the difference between a success and failure.
For many days, I wondered when the hope will come? How will we come out of this mess and where exactly is our savior? I waited and waited but nothing happened. And then I figured out that all I have is an incapable president, an equally incapable prime minister, an opposition leader full of vengeance and then there are likes of Shahid Masood, Jasmine Manzoor - who are always so keen to give you an instant dose of frustration. And irrespective of how many ROZ packages Uncle Sam gives us, he is NOT our savior.
Before going forward and fighting with the terrorists, we need to make sure that our people have a hope and they are motivated to undertake this fight. The tired and frustrated minds of our nation cannot generate this hope on their own, so we need to become an example for them. We need to tell them that we expect good things and not only do we expect, we are taking measures to make good things happen for us. They say that Noor Jehan's motivational songs played quite a role in 1965's war, something similar needs to be done to wake up the nation from its deep sleep.
In this regard the first thing that I am looking forward to is to have an event in Karachi, where we all gather to explicitly tell the terrorists that what happened in Lahore is not going to dampen our hopes, the Pakistani spirit is too strong to get punctured by this. You'll hear more about it.
There is a lot more to say on this subject and a separate post will address this topic.
2. Show some attitude
Thanks to our stupid leaders, we are fighting a war on behalf of USA who keeps reciting 'do more' and 'do more' till all of you are dead. And then we are busy telling the world that 'yeah hum nahin' (That's not us,) which means that though some people are planting bombs and having suicide attacks but I swear to God, please believe me, I didn't do it. I am totally innocent, I swear I am.
I can assure you that all you'll hear in return will be 'mmmm...okay...then do more.' It's time to show the right attitude, I am not planting bombs, nor I have been accused of training suicide bombers, so that's pretty much clear. My country is actually a victim of terrorism, so please for God sake, everyone gotta hold that apologetic tone right there. Don't give people an excuse to pressurize you. They all should know that even though terrorists are making our lives hell but we are still quite successful in having a normal life, we probably deserve a noble prize for peace efforts or something like that.
3. Boycott
If somebody who lives in Pakistan and thinks that Pakistan is a failed state, then he deserves a boycott. He should get out of this country because we have no time to waste on such thankless and hopeless souls. Boycott them in every manner, outcast them. Our energy should be focused on those who are ready to accept the truth and that is that Pakistan has as strong a chance of surviving as its citizens will try to strive for. I am not even thinking to waste my breath on such souls.
4. Pakistan is my brand and I am the brand ambassador
Hussain Haqqani might be a favorite of USA and it would be hard to replace him. But in our own life, we all are an ambassador of Pakistan, be good to foreigners, show them your good side. We have to show them that we are sophisticated, we are bright, we are smart, our kids make A level records, our girls win NASA competitions, Microsoft takes a bag full of our graduates and they would hardly find anybody as good as us. That we all are ourselves tired of extremism, that most of our men are not polygamist, that our women do not spend their lives in a four wall. That just like any other country, we have both good and bad elements in our society. If you are telling them that you are equally tired of Pakistan and that you have no hope for Pakistan then let me suggest that you are playing quite a role for the terrorists. In that case, you are certainly a disgrace to the whole nation, don't bother to show us your ugly face, get a nationality of some other nation and leave Pakistan's green card alone - you don't deserve it.
5. I am a Journalist too and I report positive things because rest of the media just skates over them
If I start believing our media then it seems that the only things that happen here are raps, honor killings, bombings, attacks, rallies, long marches and every other evil thing which you can think of. But being a citizen of Pakistan gives me an advantage of having a first-hand experience of life @ Pakistan and for a fact I know that there are too many positive things around us. Karachi city's mayor was selected as the second best mayor of world (and we never bothered to know that who is the first,) Karachi's bridges and roads are of international level, every morning thousands of girls leave their homes for studies and jobs and their families are usually quite supportive of them. We just had a two week long successful Film festival. Do you ever see such news in our media ?
We have to come out and report this other and a more major side of Pakistan and not just on our blogs but on international forums such as newsvine. How the world perceive you is actually much more important than what exactly are you. And I will do everything to work on this image building part.
6. Behold that religious extremism right there
If you believe that the bare ankle of a woman can become the reason behind a country's downfall
then don't bother to have a conversation with me telling that I should cover my head or I should sit at my home. Chances are that I will try to break your head with anything which will be in my range.
Tomorrow, I could be an atheist, a Jewish or a Christian or even a Hindu and nobody has anything to do with that. If somebody has any other thoughts then we need to boycott them, we have to take every possible measure to make it clear that our religion is our private matter.
But in order to fight them, a correct knowledge of religion is necessary. These factors thrive on ignorance. And no stone should remain unturned in this regard.
7. Stay Alert
Politicians sucks and so does politics but now is no time to ignore them. Read every news in the newspaper, hear every news on the T.V., in order to fight the enemy, you need to be aware of their moves.
I had to cut down on my technical books in order to bring in time for a detail read of DAWN but that's the call of the time.
So, That's the plan.
I'll focus on Pakistan's image building but off course without any traces of being apologetic about it. I have figured out that I need to become a hope for others and motivate other people to become a hope in themselves. I have to show an attitude which will tell the terrorists that no matter what you'll do , I am a warrior who wont fall down that easily. And my fight will be all about mind games.

Since I have been too lazy to move my own ass and come with with something original like this, I just thought I would share hers, very good ideas indeed. I am all up for her plan and have already started executing it. I urge the readers to also ponder upon these.

We are sorry …

2009-03-04T01:21:00.004+05:00

Today is going down as a very sad day in the history of Pakistan. Sri Lanka, one of the very few nations that was willing to show solidarity with us and to visit us in tough times like these has been targeted in broad daylight right at the busiest square of the second largest city in Pakistan.

I am speechless. Not because the future of Cricket in Pakistan looks gloomier right now than it ever did but because it is so shameful for us as a nation to have failed miserably at protecting our own guests, I can’t even write it in words.

We are sorry Sri Lankans to have lost the trust you had shown in us and our officials when you agreed to tour us and bring some good to our country. I guess the Aussies were right after all.

We are sorry Sri Lankans for not fulfilling our promise regarding providing you state-level security. We have other better usage for our police force and they have been busy in curtailing political rivalries.

We are sorry that our security officials still claim they provided “fool-proof” security and this could have happened anywhere. These idiots should be taken to task for this. If they do not have the self-respect to resign, which I am sure they don’t, they should be sacked immediately.

We are sorry that none of our top government officials has apologized to the Sri Lankan nation formally yet. They are very quick when it comes to saying bullshit and making a joke out of themselves and the nation.

We are proud of our soldiers who lost their lives but saved their guests. I wish they could also save the honor of the nation.

The pathetic blame game has started already. I think it’s time we stop shifting responsibility. No matter who was behind all this, it was our own security lapse that let this happen. 12 unmasked gunmen in broad daylight waiting for the motorcade, firing at it openly, killing half a dozen policemen and injuring as many high-profile guests on the busiest square that could exist in Lahore and then fleeing away unharmed. And then they say that it could happen anywhere. I mean, WTF?

We need to first find people within our ranks who are responsible for this and bring them to justice before looking for a foreign hand.

We are sorry Sri Lankans. We are just sorry.

Wedding Bells

2009-03-02T00:55:00.007+05:00

Two of my very close friends got married recently.

I partially agree with Razz here. I don’t feel old yet but it does feel weird when the people you went to school with get married.

I had a good time at their wedding. One busy like hell weekend, running errands, driving around providing pick and drop services, more errands, more driving, photos, camera and a whole lot of other stuff. I was their official unofficial (read unpaid) photographer so I took like lots of pictures. Some came out to be very good. I am yet to upload those somewhere.

Marriage is a difficult proposition. Some people change completely after it, others only a lot. Another very good friend of mine got married around 6 weeks back and I haven’t heard from him, let alone met him or anything, since then at all. The only proof that I have of him being alive is that his cell phone works as in calls and messages don’t go undelivered. They never get replied back, that’s another thing but they do get delivered.

I guess things just change when people get married and it’s not fair for you to expect your friends to stay the way they used to be. Unlike you, they can’t treat life as a joke anymore. Their priorities change, their family gains importance, their friends lose it. The room and the stuff, that one always took for granted as theirs and theirs only is not theirs anymore and they can’t take friends to their den whenever they want. Did you get it, Man? You can’t take friends to your den whenever you want now.

Anyways, these two friends of mine look so good and so happy together MashaAllah, it kinda makes me rethink about this.

Oh well. We shall see.

Words Of Wisdom

2009-02-17T01:00:00.006+05:00

Never fall in love. If it doesn’t work out, the pain is unbearable.

This is an actual conversation.

Me: Hmmm, how is life?
Him: Life .... is boring, dull, colorless, shit and cold.
Me: Sorry, I asked!

Even more so: Never ever fall in love with a friend. If that doesn’t work out, you a left with a broken heart and one less shoulder to cry on.

Just a couple of bits from JDèé’s words of wisdom.

WTH Moments

2009-01-30T08:35:00.004+05:00

I have been having WTH moments regarding this blog lately.

Moment One

Location: Meeting room, a local technology company

Characters: JDèé (JD), Prospective Employer (PE) and their 23 other accomplices (A1, A2, …, A23)

All is going good. JD, PE, A1, A2, …, and A23 are discussing the highly complex nature of the assignment that is under consideration for JD when all of a sudden:

PE: Your blog says you are a geek! Are you really?
JD: What? [How on earth did they know about my blog!?!?!]
JD: AND IT SO DOES NOT.
PE: Well, it doesn't say that but it gives out such vibes that the writer is a geek.
JD: What? OK.

WTH!?! :S

Moment Two

Location: JDèé’s email inbox

Characters: JDèé (JD) and someone who sent him an invitation to connect to LinkedIn (S).

JD,
I believe I've become a die-hard fan of your photography. Plus I read ur blog too! :) cheers
Since you are someone I trust, I want to add you to my profession network on LinkedIn.
S

I have die-hard fans. WTH!?! :D

Moment Three

Location: JDèé’s chat window

Characters: JDèé (JD), a friend (F) and friend’s friend from Timbuktu (FF).

FF to F: Your friend JD, he is cool. I like his posts. I think he is fun.
F to FF: What? You read him?
FF to F: Yes, I have been reading him.
F to JD: Dude, you are getting popular. I have a friend from Timbuktu, they like your posts, think you are cool and fun.
JD to F: Cool!

WTH!?! :)

Moment Four

Location: JDèé’s chat window

Characters: JDèé (JD), a friend (F)

F: Dude, your blog is getting gay, SERIOUSLY!
JD: Lolz! I wouldn’t say that I was surprised to hear this. After all, gay was the only label left after geeky, fun, cool, pathetic, awesome and 39 others.
F: I am serious, Man.
JD: Why on earth would you say that?
F: I'll try to explain once we meet. If I could, that is.
JD: So now it's throwing out gay vibes that you can feel but not explain?
F: Exactly.

WTH!?! :@

I don’t know about the rest but I am pretty confident that my blog is neither geeky nor gay. Help me out here guys. What do you think? Is this blog geeky, fun, cool, gay, what is it?

Reactive Dynamite

2009-01-22T15:45:00.014+05:00

Some RD commented on one of my blog posts a few days ago. I thought it was MSAK. I was right. I had a chat session with him on the RD thing afterwards but let me first introduce MSAK to you.

You know once in a while you meet people that are awesome, stand out from the croud and completely attract attention wherever they go. Well, you guessed it right. He is NOT one of those guys.

He is the guy who is the nicest of the bunch but is always bullied by everybody else becuase he never minds others doing it. He is the guy that gathers attention but only because everybody wants to pull his leg hard and long. He is the guy who has all the hidden skills in the world but everybody thinks is not good for anything worthwhile.

Anyways, here is how it went.

Me: Who is RD. Is it you?
MSAK: yup
MSAK: why ?
Me: No, just curious who posted those comments.
MSAK: RD is my old college nick...
MSAK: my close friends call me that
Me: RD means?
MSAK: yaar, it doesn't match my personality but like Reactive Dynamite
Me: LOLZ! :D
MSAK: abay yaar
MSAK: it was cuz of the spontaneous acts
MSAK: be it the creation of Duster mafia in college and getting suspended for a month
MSAK: or movie maker for fun
MSAK: or a dare devil
Me: Excuse Me? There was a Duster mafia?
MSAK: yeah
MSAK: :P
MSAK: never mind that
MSAK: it was again a childish thing :P
MSAK: but i got suspended for a month in college!
Me: Dude, tell me about it.
Me: Was it something like your rubber collecting thing?
MSAK: yaar
MSAK: well you see
MSAK: i was in college
MSAK: and in our Boys wing
MSAK: we were always out of dusters
MSAK: so like.. me and my friend once visited the girls wing after dismissal
MSAK: and like we were so surprised that each of their classes had at least 2 HOT SEXY dusters!
MSAK: some dusters were like...
MSAK: a small BOAT with its base with a cloth!
Me: Lolz!
MSAK: so we formed a coalition and Duster Mafia came into being that day
MSAK: bus after the dismissal time every day
MSAK: we'd go to the girls wing
MSAK: and collect the dusters and write of their boards
MSAK: Duster Mafia (DM) strikes again!
Me: Lolz!
MSAK: yaar
MSAK: we kept on doing that for 3 days
MSAK: after that few of the girls actually placed ABUSES
MSAK: and posted galiyaan (abuses) on their boards
MSAK: when the teachers came to their classes
MSAK: they held a enquiry... and our bags were checked
MSAK: and it had all kinds of dusters
MSAK: and the only thing that wasn't in our bags was BOOKS!
MSAK: so we were sent to the principal
Me: Lolz, Man!
MSAK: they thought we wrote the abuses
Me: Can't stop laughing.
Me: :D
MSAK: but we didn't and no body believed :(
MSAK: and we got suspended for a month
MSAK: but :P
MSAK: that thing made so popular in college
Me: :D
Me: Awesome!

Later I found out that MSAK had a blog as well that hadn’t been updated since months.

Me: You had a blog? That’s awesome.
Me: Why did you quit writing?
MSAK: it had a purpose dude
MSAK: :P
MSAK: and later ... i stopped it
MSAK: cuz i lost it's id
MSAK: lol
MSAK: i tried searching for it
MSAK: but couldn't find it
MSAK: then somebody referred me a link
MSAK: of my own blog
MSAK: and i was like.. o wow.. found it
MSAK: i later started righting on other blog
MSAK: but i lost its id as well
Me: How can you lose ids?
MSAK: and the account with which it was registered
MSAK: i lost its password as well as its id
MSAK: :S
Me: What's with your weird statuses?
MSAK: :)
MSAK: yaar it's related to Gill
MSAK: she is the one who usually argues with me
MSAK: on statuses
Me: Her name is Gill?
MSAK: yup
Me: Dude, you never cease to amaze me, really.
Me: And this time, I mean it in a good way.
Me: I am impressed.
MSAK: :P
MSAK: that's the reason they called me RD back then!

And after reading a few posts on his blog, I got to know that he also played flute, made movies, had friends in Romania and had got one of his friend a cute little puppy.

Me: You got your friend a cute little puppy?
MSAK: abay nahih yaar (No, Man)
MSAK: yeh aik stupidity ho gayi thi (it was a stupid thing I did)
MSAK: woh mazaaak mazaaak main dost ko bola thaa (I told my friend this as a joke)
MSAK: baad main he told her about it (he told Gill about it later)
MSAK: and i had to quickly rite a blog about it!
MSAK: :S
Me: Oh! You mean, PHIR aik stupidity ho gayi thi? (Oh!, you mean it was YET ANOTHER stupid thing you did)
MSAK: lolz
MSAK: yeah i know it was a stupid
MSAK: and i still regret it dude
MSAK: abhi bhi kubhi baat nikalti hay (even now we talk about it sometimes)
MSAK: and i have to make a story about it!
MSAK: damn it!
Me: That's bad.
MSAK: yaar
MSAK: please bhai don't mention this
MSAK: puppy thingy
MSAK: anywhere yaar
Me: Well YBA referred me to this.
MSAK: WHAT
Me: You might also wanna bring him on board.
Me: He read your blog after seeing your comments on mine.
Me: And he asked me what this was about.
MSAK: oh my god!

YBA was hurriedly added to the conversation.

MSAK: YBA
MSAK: :) hi man
YBA: hallo
Me: A conversation with YBA and MSAK.
YBA: wie geht's?
Me: Now that has got to be something. :P
MSAK: :P
YBA: :P
MSAK: abay yaar (Guys!)
YBA: yeah. strange gathering :D
MSAK: don't mention any one about the puppy thing in the blog
MSAK: bhai please (pretty please)
MSAK: it had a reason cuz of a very stupidity of mine
YBA: ur stupidity?
YBA: MSAK. Do you ever fail to screw up?
MSAK: bussss yaar
MSAK: mazaaak mazaaak main aik banday ko chori maari theee (I had said that as a joke to a guy)
MSAK: about this
MSAK: us nay jakay aik bandi ko bata deya (he went on and told that to a gal)
MSAK: and that bandi had the access to my blog (and that gal had access to my blog)
MSAK: and i had to just add it there urgently
MSAK: she thought it was true!
YBA: so. did u marry her?
MSAK: No. :(
YBA: hain abhee tak? (Not even yet?)
YBA: aisi post kai baad to koi bhee tayyar ho jayay gee :P(Any gal would marry you after a post like that :P)
MSAK: only you guys know about this blog
Me: Well, people are gonna know about your blog now.
MSAK: and i forgot to remove my nick which had the link
MSAK: abay nahih yaar
Me: You have commented at mine and have revealed your identity.
Me: The traffic at my blog is only a little lesser than that on yahoo so you can guess.
Me: :P
YBA: LOL
YBA: dont be modest, JDee
YBA: it’s as much as google
Me: Always good to have a friend that corrects you in times you are being modest.
Me: :P

Of course, MSAK removed all questionable posts from his blog later. He is back in the blogging game now. Check him out here.

Last Day At Office

2009-01-14T23:34:00.007+05:00

Office gets awesome in the notice period. Nobody expects you to do anything and you are all on your own. You come late, you do nothing (productive) all day, you leave early. Offices should be like this all the time.

Last day of last year was a last day for me in another aspect as well: it was the last day at my last job. And I had to do a lot of last hour things including (but not limited to) getting my experience letter written and signed (I didn’t really like the one the company was giving away), handing over office stuff to others, writing a last-day good-bye email to colleagues, emptying my drawer (more like transferring stuff from the drawer to the dustbin, where it originally belonged), deciding whom to give my office slippers away to (this was a tough call) and have a big and emotional photo-session with colleagues (I am obsessed with portrait photography lately).

I had anticipated that my last day would be pretty hectic and I won’t be able to do all that was needed to be done so I sought help from YBA (a good friend and an ex-colleague from the same office). Here is how it went with him:

Me: Dude, it'll be my last day tomorrow and I am so gonna be swamped. Please do me a favor and write a last day at office mail for me.
Him: Wow. Is this the height of delegation?
Me: It sure is.
Him: I can give you mine. And that's it, Mister. :P
Me: Please do it, Man. I already have yours. If I send that on, people are gonna recognize it as yours as it hasn't been long since you left.
Him: Well, mine was a darn creative one. Wouldn’t you say?
Me: It sure was. And I expect mine to be at the same level. If not higher. You know how popular I am. :P
Him: :D
Him: Ok, how about this:
Him: Dear Losers, In your face! Bye, JDee
Me: Awesome! :D
Me: But I have had some good days there. And I still have to collect my PF. :(
Him: Yah!
Me: Chalo, thanks in advance. :)
Him: About what?
Me: About the last day at office email. You are writing that for me, no?
Him: Wasn't this one good enough? You want me to spice it up? Like mentioning a few secrets and all. Maybe, your real feelings about Sheikh Sahib and that new girl? :P
Me: I want you to tone it down. I still have to collect my PF. And don’t you tell anybody about Sheikh Sahib or that new girl.
Him: OK, you boring person.
Me: Just write one for me. I so can’t take time out for this.
Him: Dude, are you serious?
Me: I am. Indeed.
Him: I cant, Man. I cant write one which you can send out to everyone. But i can write the spiced up one though. I have already started jotting down points. For the cool version, of course. :P
Me: OK, what the heck. Spice it up. I'll tone it down myself. Or will send it ahead if it's worth it. ;)
Him: Dude, I'm telling you. You wont be able to share it in public.
Me: We'll see.
Him: OK. You asked for it. Don't blame me afterwards. :P
Me: The gang at office will have a good laugh in the worst case.
Him: OK, look for that in your email tomorrow.
Me: Thanks.

I got revealed that one thing got out of the way (only to be worried later).

The day didn’t start usual.

I had to get to a place for a 5-hour long initial screening test. A 5-hour long initial screening test, would you believe it? And if that wasn’t enough, they had scheduled it for 9 in the morning. And if that wasn’t enough, they wanted me to improve a blank piece of paper at the end of those 5 hours of programming, SQL, analytical reasoning, mathematics, problem solving and a Big Mac (it took so long, they had to buy me lunch). I haven’t heard from them since then. The test went OK, though.

After the test I got to the office around 3 in the afternoon. After emptying my drawer, handing over office stuff to others, I went out to everybody to say good-bye and test my portrait photography skills. The light at the office was not sufficient so the pictures didn’t come out all that well. Let’s just skip that part.

I then opened up my email only to find out that YBA had written this for me:

Dear all,
It's my last day in office today so I will say what I have always wanted to say. In your face, you losers !!
As Bilbo Baggins once said, "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." So go figure.
I always thought that when I move on in life and achieve my goal of ultimate world domination, I will get all the people together in the world that I really like and then just keep them together so that no one would leave. Then I would not have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes.
So until I become the supreme leader of the Earth: See ya'.
Sayo nara,
JDee
P.S. I am really thankful for my friend YBA who has been an inspiration for not just this email but all the good stuff I have done until now. Live long and prosper my friend.

As you might have guessed already, he had laid out a complete plan to ban my entry in my office after my last day departure. Of course, I couldn't have been this incorrect politically. This is what I ended up sending out:

Dear all,
I always think that when I move on in life and achieve my goal of ultimate world domination, I will get all the people I really like together in the world and will then just keep them together so that no one ever leaves. Then I would not have to say good-bye or let anyone go. Unless of course, someone dies but that's another story all together. The thing is that I just hate good-byes.
So stay in touch so that I remember to put you in my huddle you when I take over the world.
And until I become the supreme leader of the planet: See ya'.
Sayo nara,
JDee
P.S.: Thanks to a friend for helping me out with this. I have been too swamped today to even write a last day email.

I don’t know why (maybe because I had written it out clearly in the P.S.) but close friends suspected I couldn’t have written this on my own and they said had I written one myself, the mail would have been a lot gloomier. I kinda agree with them.

YBA later met me online again that day. He asked me why I removed the best part from his ingenious work of art and creativity. It told him I kept the best part.

My slippers were settled two days later when one of my friends lost his cool Nike snickers at Jumma prayers. And I just got my experience letter today.

I hope I have learned a lesson now, not to be too attached with a workplace. Because at the end of the day, it’s only business and nothing personal.

Tada

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T02:57:00.005+05:00

Has anybody seen Zong’s new year message? It's hard to miss for like it's there on all channels all the time. Strangely though, I have been trying to locate that video on Internet but haven’t been successful. That’s the best message I could pass on this new year. I’ll try to find that and update the post soon.

Until then, here is something to greet you all.

Seasons greetings and a very happy new year. I hope this year be better for us and our country in all aspects than all our previous years combined.

Tada.

P.S. I know some of my friends don't believe in new year resolutions but mine is to be more organized in life this year, like planning things properly, going to bed early and starting the day earlier. It’s 3 am at the moment and I have an early morning meeting tomorrow so you can guess how spot on I am with my ambitions already.

Writer's Block

2008-12-30T02:49:00.005+05:00

I love Wikipedia. It has everything a curious mind needs in one place. Sometimes, I just visit the site even when I am not sure what I am curious about and then from the home page, it’s just click, click, click and off I go. Humans are definitely luckier than cats in this regard.

Anyways, Wikipedia’s awesomeness needs a blog entry in itself and I don’t want to digress. Here is what it says about Writer’s Block:

Writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

Writer's block can be closely related to depression and anxiety, two mood disorders that reflect environmentally caused or spontaneous changes in the brain's frontal lobe. This is in contrast to hypergraphia, more closely linked to mania, in which the changes occur primarily in the temporal lobe.

However, another interpretation of writer's block, sometimes confused with scant output, is given in the book Silences, by Tillie Olsen, who argues that historically many women and working-class writers have been unable to devote themselves to, or concentrate on, their writing because their social and economic circumstances prevent them from doing so.

The reason I have put this crap on my blog is that I think I am having one. Although, that would mean that I think I am a writer but I am willing to take that hit for a while. I just wanted to confirm one thing. I am unsure if one would be having a writer’s block if they were just feeling too lazy to update their blog? Or do anything productive for that matter? Like, anything at all?

The Shoe Throwing Conspiracy

2008-12-18T12:23:00.010+05:00

I have a colleague, HZM, who has this incredible ability to write about things in his own way. I have encouraged him to start a blog of his own many times but having an email address is the closest he is to social networking via Internet yet.

Below is his take at the famous shoe throwing incident. This is a guest post by HZM:

Muntadhar al Zaidi’s daring act has won him world wide popularity and fame (at least in the Muslim countries). He has been hailed as a “Hero”, been presented a bravery award by a Libyan Charity Group, and a Saudi businessman has even offered US$10 million to buy the shoes hurled at President Bush. Even Venezuela’s President Chavez has applauded the man for his valor. So while Middle Eastern media and public consider this to be a “Courageous” act, the West read the same as “Outrageous”.

But the question that concerns you and I is not what the International Press and People think about the man, his act or the prevailing situation. What concerns us is its implications on “Pakistan”.

Yes, I know you’re wondering why this should affect Pakistan. But a little common sense will lead to believe that it has everything to do with Pakistan. It’s amazing how we find ourselves in the middle of all (mostly destructive) affairs. And I wonder why we complain that the World doesn’t give us any importance!

Mark my words, one way or the other, they (I’m not saying who) will link this with Pakistan. And I suppose they have every reason to do so. The following facts should convince you of the same:

1. So apart from being a Muslim, it has been found that Muntazar has links with Bata (Fata) in Pakistan.

2. He received training in throwing shoes while working in Bata. He used to be the man in the upper Store room who used to throw down shoes & boxes whenever a customer asked for a particular size. You can only improve your aim by training everyday to throw shoes from that little opening in the Store ceiling!

3. US Intelligence point out that while working in Bata, he was situated at one of the Tariq Road outlets. As there are more than one outlets in that area, CIA has asked the Pakistan Government to crack down on all of them on Tariq Road. Our President has gone a step further and has decided to close down all Bata stores in the city altogether. Kids will now be deprived of the free Tennis Ball that they used to get when buying “Back to School” shoes. Our Government has obviously misread the term “War on Terrorism” and interpret it as “War on Federalism”, and hence the actions against their own citizens.

4. Muntazar received special training in “Tying the Knot”, an exceptional tactic used by such terrorists to launch two shoes in a single throw by tying them together.

5. The Bata training camps were found to be equipped with a huge supply of WMDs (Weapons of Mass Designer-Shoes).

6. These camps were laced with “target practice equipment”, namely large size hardboard cutouts of a human figure with a picture of Pres. Bush pasted on the top.

7. Black, Brown & White Cherry Blossom Shoe Polish was found to be in-stock. Obviously, the BataMen (now dubbed as Batman) use this to smear their arms and faces for covert operations. (I wonder why would they use White Polish?!? … Maybe to disguise themselves as Goras when operating in a Western Country.)

8. Such was the barbarism (the single word quoted by a Western, so called, Human Rights Activist; when asked to describe the man’s act) of the Bata Sales Agents, that they used to openly display Shoes on shelves and the shop windows!

9. Not only that, they even invited others (namely customers) to come in and purchase the sophisticated weaponry. This was especially witnessed during the Eid Festival, where people horded the weapons for themselves. The young ones went a step further and bought the Nuke (in reality Nike) models. This indeed is Barbaric/Heroic.

10. Finally, he was reported to have been kidnapped by Al-Qaeda and released after a few days. So common sense would tell you that there could be no possibly that he has any links with Al-Qaeda, else why would they kidnap him. Wrong! You obviously haven’t learned. Al-Qaeda picked him for at least one of the three reasons:

a. To brain-wash him.

b. To Give him a secret message (probably the words he shouted out at Bush) by pretending to kidnap him

c. To train him in this deadly art. (Even the Japanese Ninja’s of long ago would be ashamed of themselves if they knew of this unique capability)

11. The fact that Al-Qaeda released him (and did not slash his throat and post it on the Internet), and that too without any ransom (they don’t really need the money, they get enough funding from the CIA), proves my point that he has links with Al-Qaeda.

So if the above argument doesn’t convince you of the imminent dangers to Pakistan and its whatever-is-left Sovereignty; then you should start watching Geo!

For those who feel a little grumbled by the fact that the Shoes did not hit their intended target, don’t worry, there is a blessing in disguise. If it had hit Bush, he might have felt a little pain and would have forgotten all about the incident in a few days. But the fact that they narrowly missed him, will keep him on his toes for his life, because of the What If ?! scenario. As they say, “Curiosity killed the Cat” (in this case, the Dog!).

And what is to become of the man who started it all. Well, Saddam Hussain’s lawyer has offered to fight his case. Good luck Muntazar, because the last person that this lawyer tried to defend ended up at the Gallows!

The time has come to load your guns (meaning, to untie your shoe laces) and get ready for action! For those who have automatic weapons (i.e. not having any laces at all), even better!

This is your local report HZM signing off … reporting on behalf of all shoe owners!

Things Change With Time

2008-12-09T02:15:00.002+05:00

Things change with time.

For example: There was a time when I started bugging my father to get animals for sacrifice weeks before Baqr-Eid and then spent most of the time taking care of them. This included obscure activities like naming animals, having beauty and strength competitions with neighborhood animals, even crying after sacrifice. Tomorrow is Eid and all I have done is had one glance at the two bakras (goats) my parents bought for sacrifice this year. The bael (bull), which I am supposed to be sharing for sacrifice with six other people, hasn’t even been this lucky.

For example: There was a time when I bought Eid cards for all my friends and made sure that they got the personally written and signed cards before Eid. Tomorrow is Eid and I am thinking whether personal email Eid greetings messages are too much and if I should stick with a Facebook greeting status only.

For example: There was a time when I got my traditional Eid dress, shalwar qameez, specially prepared a month in advance. Tomorrow is Eid and I am thinking what to wear this Eid and whether wearing shalwar qameez tomorrow is worth the effort.

For example: There was a time when I slept at 10 pm the night before Eid in anticipation of the Eid prayers early next day. Tomorrow is Eid, it’s 2.15 am and I am on my laptop, writing this blog.

Eid Mubarak. I hope this Eid brings happiness in our lives and peace in our country.

Tennis

2008-12-07T03:39:00.007+05:00

I have been playing tennis lately.

It so happened that two of my colleagues, AAW and SMAK, were forced into exercising by the ever-growing size of their tummies. They knew that they had to do something more fun than just running or stretching or else they would lose interest sooner or later and would get back to square one (well, round ones in their cases). So, they decided to play tennis and I chose to join them (for entirely different and opposite reasons) along with AVS, another colleague of mine.

We started playing at a very cheap city government facility regularly and when I told my other friends how awesome it was (and told the whole facebook network about how I kicked ass at it), a few dozen others also showed interest to join. BN and MFS, my old uni fellows, have been the only other duo out of the dozens interested ones that actually managed to join us after we had started. But, it’s awesome how awesome people think playing tennis is.

MFS is a blogger too and he also did a blog on tennis here. And there are no points for guessing who the mentioned Jdee is.

And this time it is the glorious game of Tennis!

I owe it to Jdee, for re-uniting me with the part of myself I let go 8 years ago. Jdee is one of those types who seem to have way more than 24 hours in a typical day. The earth spins a tad slower for these kinds of guys.

We are all beginners at tennis. Almost all the points on the first day were not won but rewarded by opponents to each other through faults. Gradually we've started playing finishing shots and volleys that last longer. According to our rough estimates, we deliver a spectacular ace once in ten serves. BN did some research on the web on how to grip a tennis racket, while AVS and Jdee floated a PDF on complete rules and regulations of the game.
It's our new-found passion.

It sure is our new found passion (we are found at the courts almost every day) and though, we are all still beginners, I have managed to compile a seed list for the six of us. It goes like … Heck, it doesn’t matter how it goes like but I am the top seeded player on that list, the thing that matters the most.

All I can say is that tennis is a great game. I had always loved watching it (and had also dreamt of being watched by millions as I lifted Wimbledon). And now when I am into it, I know how not-that-easy it is and how awesome Sania Mirza used to be (as a player, for the ones thinking out-of-the-box there). I even feel bad for hating her (game) back when she was more active on the circuit.

By the way, I heard she was out with a wrist injury these days. What’s up with that? Like, how bad could it be? I had one myself like 3 weeks ago because of the faulty grip of my racket. I just kept on playing till it went away. And then I changed the grip. Simple, eh?

Never Give Up Hope

2008-11-26T00:45:00.005+05:00

Everybody seems to be really ecstatic about Obama winning the election. The Kenyans went as far as declaring a nation-wide public holiday on account of him being the son of a Kenyan, though Obama is yet to proudly acknowledge his connection to his father. Heck, there were celebrations in Lyari even, I heard. I guess he played football with the locals there during his visit to Karachi in the 80s.

Someone shared on our university group a link to Obama's victory speech in Chicago:

If a black shiny boy from the south side of Chicago can do this, I hope we, in Pakistan, learn from the history and finally get rid of corrupt army and so called politicians. No matter where you stand this history in US and in Chicago, Grand Park is the place of history. For just to give a perspective, it is like a brilliant and intelligent middle class person from Lalo-Khait in Karachi or Mughalpura Lahore beat Banazir (Late) and Army at the same time.

My good friend AVS, posted this as a reply:

It's a huge achievement for Obama. Yet, a Harvard and Columbia alumnus, you can hardly compare him to anyone from the mentioned areas.

His race got the right to vote 188 Years after the independence of the country. 188 years of darkness. Against all the tyranny, oppression and cruelty, MLK Jr., Rosa Parks and others never gave up hope in their country. Nor did they leave the country they loved because it had no light ahead. They are the ones who made it possible. Had they given up hope in their country and made lives for themselves someplace else, Grand park would've been just another park in the city.

I hope I made the message clear enough.

God bless Pakistan.

I hope the message is clear enough. Just thought I would share.

Confession

2008-11-13T00:20:00.007+05:00

I was going through my email archives and I found this. It's pretty hilarious (and a bit old) and I thought I would share. Though, it's a bit raunchy but hey, parental guidance is already recommended on my blog. So, here it is.

Hello, my name is Smarty and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion bloody chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Facebook or hotmail will delete your account or charge you cash in the future if you don't forward this crap and prove your alive, or you don't like someone anymore and they are not your BFF unless they forward this email with hearts, roses and guilt trip.

And no ... Applebee's or any other restaurant is NOT going to give you a gift certificate if you forward an email.

Forwarding garbage will not make little cartoon characters fornicate on your computer screen if you hit the select number of forwards!

TRY IT, IT REALLY WORKS! Also known as the mating call of the moron.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I might actually give a shit if it WORKED! This is an idiot detector!

If you are unsure how email, your computer, or the 'forward' button works, perhaps you should give your computer to someone with a clue. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

And for all the people who keep sending me chain emails, I always wanted to send this back to you but I couldn't because one has to open an email to reply to it. I hope you get the point.

Now stop sending me junk!

Adios

He Is Back

2008-11-12T00:24:00.005+05:00

The Hello, Gorgeous guy is back.

As reported here, this guy had taken a different view of the whole Zardari-Palin stint. He got hammered in the media afterwards and now, he is back with a reply.

Since I posted his first letter, I feel obliged to post this one as well.

THIS is further to my captioned letter of Oct 17. It appears that some of your readers focused only on its superficial meaning, but weren’t able to understand the real message.

Thus, Samar Kaiser (Oct 21) and Riffat Rehman (Oct 29) were unhappy that I had apparently tried to justify Asif Zardari’s telling Sarah Palin she was ‘gorgeous’ and even offering to hug her. In her sequal, “The great ‘seducteur’” (Nov 2), to the column ‘Hello, Gorgeous’ which had set off the lively debate in these columns, Anjum Niaz has revealed another reader’s response.

Ms Niaz says that a female friend of hers in America ‘was not amused’ by my anonymous, light-hearted response. The friend threatened that if I tried to behave with her impulsively and called her ‘gorgeous’ as I had jokingly said I would be the first pretty woman that I next encountered in the west, I would get ‘punched’ (by her)!

The intended message of my letter had four points.

1) It is more difficult to restrain one’s impulses during one’s youth, compared to the time when one is in the 50s. A person is more likely to feel lonely when travelling alone, but even then self-control must be there, as in my trip to Paris.

2) Before saying the things that he did in front of Ms Palin, our president should have considered the adverse effect this could have on the people back home, especially the youth.

3) A married man has additionally got to consider his wife’s sensibilities. Mr Zardari, too, had a wife until just nine months before the incident. So, that was all the more reason for him to be extra careful.

4) He should have apologised to the nation, or at least expressed his regrets, but he hasn’t, so far. Perhaps his wife’s first death anniversary on Dec 27 may serve to make him contrite.

As far as Ms Anjum’s friend is concerned, she would have been better off, if, instead of emotion, she had used reason to assess my letter. Somebody had said, “I have never known a man who was sensual in his youth, who was high-minded when old.” If I could resist all the temptations of the West even in my younger days, why would I not be high-minded now?

Seneca’s words said in this context ought to be internalised: “What if one might have all the pleasures of the world for the asking? Who would so unman himself as by accepting them to desert his soul and become a perpetual slave to his senses.”

A READER

Karachi

By the way, I found it myself this time around. And I think that his earlier stance was more amusing than this one.

Tada

About The Presidents

2008-11-05T23:40:00.010+05:00

Well, it's official. Barack Hussein Obama II (two!?!) is the first even African-American President of the US of A. The Democrat enjoyed a landslide victory over Republican senator John Sydney McCain III (three!?!) Hats off to the democratic system there, certainly the best in the world!

Though, I never liked Obama's anti-Pakistan stance, I still think that a Democrat win is in the best interest of the world. The world just can't afford another term of the Republicans and although, I don't see anything changing for Pakistan, I am still hopeful for a better future as American policies might get a massive overhaul. For the better, I hope!

Let's see if Obama really brings the promised change or if the promises made by the President-Elect of the US of A turn out to be as reliable as the ones made by our very own honorable one.

Speaking of whom, our democratically elected civil president has taken a 200 member delegation on a chartered plane to Saudi Arabia (the biggest ever all expense paid government sponsored trip to this country in our history) to assist him with all the begging, has extended the cabinet to match the size of the squad of Manchester United Football Club, has included every Tom, Dick, Harry and Amin Fahim of PPP as ministers and has decided to reinstate all the politically appointed jialas of PPP's 93-96 tenure back into the organizations they had sucked to death regardless of any financial implications. All in times of the worst economic crisis that faces Pakistan, of course.

Hats off to us as well! We definitely are the worst example of democracy on planet Earth.

A Meeting With A Self Proclaimed Runaway Suicide Bomber

2008-11-03T00:50:00.016+05:00

It happened last Friday.

I was coming out of the mosque after Jumma prayers when I caught this guy. He was standing at the main gate of the mosque, just like other beggers.

A few things distinguished him from the others standing there with him, though. He didn’t look like a beggar, he was not crying out loud about his woes or anything and hanging by his chest was a note that had a pretty shocking statement written.

I had a glance and I moved to my ride. It was more like ‘I came, I saw and I conquered’ thingy, except that you need to replace came with saw, saw with totally freaked out and conquered with got the hell outta there to catch the true essence of the situation.

A friend FS had a look at the note and the guy as well. Both of us wanted to talk to the guy but the fact that he had that note hanging from his neck was keeping us from it. We had doubts that he might explode or something. But somehow, we overcame that and convinced ourselves to talk to him.

And that we did. We conducted a lengthy interview of the guy.

Since, FS played a critical role in this fiasco (he did most of the talking), I asked him to write the blog entry for me (the reason this took this long to get published). He started off as something for a blog post, and then he thought about turning it into an email for some news channel. This is his take on this:

In Pakistan, it is a common sight to see beggars swarming mosque entrances after Friday prayers. Yet, worshippers coming out of the Najam Mosque, near Tipu Sultan and Shaheed-e-Millat Road crossing on the 25th of October were startled to see an old man asking for money. What was unique about the old man was that he held a banner that proclaimed in broken Urdu, and in even more broken English, that he had been pressed by terrorists to become a suicide bomber and upon his refusal, he was severely tortured. To escape from this torture, he quit his job and left his home, and now he is in need of financial help.
This could have been a clever new way to beg for money; however, the last line of the banner said something more alarming: these terrorists are aided by Iran and their real aim is to spread terror in the country while putting the blame on India, Israel and America. When pressed for more information, the man said that he used to be a high school science teacher in Mirpur, Azad Kashmir. In his area, terrorists are actively engaged in recruiting to-be-suicide bombers, and they are mostly targeting young children and teenagers. He was approached by these terrorists and when he refused, they tortured him so badly that he lost sight in his right eye. He informed the authorities, even going as far as the Supreme Court, yet nobody believed him. Now, he wants the people assembled there to take up his cause, and bring his ordeal to the notice of the mainstream media.
Who could this man really be, and why is he so brazenly saying something so dangerous in public? Is he telling the truth, or is this just a clever new ploy to lure alms out of people’s pockets? Or could this be something more sinister? The banner is also apparently “signed” by one Fazl-ur-Rehman of S.S.T. This could be an attempt to fan the flames of sectarian violence, and given the machinations of the spy agencies in our region, this is highly probable. The English written in red and in fine print found near the top left of the banner reads:
[They] do terrorism with the collaboration of Persia (Eran) and blame America, India & Israeli. Financially help me. - Fazal Rehman (SST)
Given the propensity of Pakistanis to put the blame for all their woes on the American- Israeli-Indian “axis of evil”, this is indeed a remarkable statement. In fact, the likely reaction of many Pakistanis, after reading this will be that this is another attempt by the CIA-Mossad-RAW nexus to further destabilize the country. This may or may not be true, but this innocuous looking old man is definitely a sign of things to come. But the real mystery is who is Fazal Rehman and what does SST represent.

We even managed to take some pictures from a mobile camera. Right click and open in a new window to have a look at larger images. The text is pretty legible.

There were a lot of doubts about this guy, his story and his intentions.

He claimed that he went to the Supreme Court but to no avail. Considering the state of our judicial system, it would take years to make your way up to the Supreme Court. He didn't look like someone who could afford that.
If he was a teacher then he should have been aware enough not to ask money in front of a mosque. He should have gone to Edhi etc. They could have taken care of him easily.
He said he lost one of his eyes to torture. Both his eyes and his eyesight looked fine.
The Urdu written seemed broken, giving it a Kashmiri style. The guy spoke perfect Urdu, in contrast.
The guy actually wanted us to spread the word around and was very vocal about it, even more than asking for money, which he actually was there for.
When we asked his name, he murmured something, which none of us could recall afterwards. Although, FS thought he had said it out clearly and we just missed it, I think he intentionally wanted to avoid the question.

All in all, this seemed like an effort to earn some easy money at best (we helped him a little), and promote sectarian violence at worst. Given the circumstances, both of us believe that his motive was the latter one.

By the way, if someone is wondering, I blurred out some controversial text from the images and also cropped other people's faces out of the frame. I don’t want to be a part of someone’s maligned agenda, if there is any.

Thank you FS, YBA and AIK for helping out with this post.

Balochistan Needs Us

2008-11-02T03:12:00.005+05:00

Besides all claims from the government that the rescue operation was complete and its efforts for the rehabilitation of the Balochistan earth quake victims had been guided by a focused approach, a lot still needs to be done.

The deadly earthquake on the 29th of October left over 300 people dead, scores injured and around 15,000 people displaced. Unofficial sources say some 70,000 homes have been demolished.

Though, the destruction is not as brutal as 2005's Kashmir's earthquake, things are still pretty bleak and with winter fast approaching, there isn't any good news in sight for the people of Ziarat and other quake hit areas. The survival of the survivors is a question mark here as they are forced to live under open skies with temperatures dropping below freezing point at nights.

I was listening to a news report the other day that stated that majority of the people affected (the count touches five figures here) were not satisfied with the efforts being put forward by the government. The government can't do everything; we should all step up and take responsibility.

There have been donation centers setup everywhere in the country. I, being a software geek, know about the ones setup at my alma mater NUCES and by P@SHA for sure. A little Google search would definitely yield more than these two results. One could also contact reputable aid agencies like Edhi Foundation in this regard.

Please try to donate as much as you can. Our Balochi brothers and sisters badly need it.

The Change We Need

2008-10-27T02:40:00.009+06:00

First of all, this post has nothing to do with Barack H. Obama, or the Americans for that matter.

It so happened that I was switching channels the other day and I caught Rang De Basanti, the Indian movie, being aired on the network’s local movie channel. I locked it there and watched it again. For the 13th time, that is.

I hardly watch one or two movies a month and this number includes English, Indian and some very rare Pakistani ones. The movies that I watch are not just-randomly-chosen-off-the-rack ones but are either highly recommended by friends or have splendid ratings from critics. So, it’s not hard to guess that I am not a huge movie fan. Even then, I can’t resist watching this flick whenever I catch it. In my opinion, this movie is, by far, the best of Indian cinema.

This post is not about the movie and how great it is either (it’s awesome, btw). It's about its message. It's about Pakistan and the transformations that we need as a nation if we want to get out of the mess that we are in.

Just to bring everybody on board, the movie is about a group of young university students who are very carefree and indifferent towards their county and the system initially. But they later try to change the system for the better after a series of events leave them at the receiving end of its cruelty.

The indifferent youth, the corrupt politicians and the flawed system portrayed in the movie are so similar to what we have in our country. The young cast of the movie resembles most Pakistani students of today. The kind of apathy that is shown in the characters is also akin to what we have in our youth. They are smart, they are talented but they want to take the first flight out of the country. They are indifferent to whatever is going on around them and think that their only responsibility towards the country is to blame the system for everything. But does that help?

Kuch to karna hoga. Hum sab ko kuch karna hoga. Yeh loag aasman say naheen utray. Hum main say hain. Hum nay chuna hai inhain. Yeh loag corrupt hain tou hum bhee corrupt hain. Kuch badalna hai tou khud ko badalna hoga.

Something needs to be done. We all need to do something. These politicians haven’t come from space or anything. There are from us. We have elected them. If they are corrupt then we are corrupt as well. If we want to change something, we need to change ourselves.

This system that we live in, as cruel and as fraudulent as it may be, is created by us. Our leaders are only as good as us. We have elected them; they are our people. If we are sincere to our country and we try to be responsible Pakistani citizen, then there is no reason that we get leaders that are sincere and responsible in their efforts towards Pakistan and who get us out of this mess. But we need to change ourselves first before hoping that any of that could materialize.

Koi bhee des perfect naheen hota, ussay perfect banana parta hai. Police main bharti hoangay, military join karaingay, politics ka hissa ban kar is des ki sarkaar chalayen gay. Yeh des badlay ga. Hum badlain gay issay.

No country is perfect; it has to be made perfect. We will enroll in police, will join military, will take part in politics and will run the country’s government. This country will change. We’ll change it.

Can we have a realization of this sort? We definitely need it; that is for sure. We need to change things. Can anything change? Can we change ourselves?

We should all examine our own personal lives. What is it that we are doing wrong as a nation that we are in such a mess? Are we irresponsible citizen? Do we not fulfill all our responsibilities towards other human beings and our country? Do we try to find short cuts? Do we break laws? Do we pay all our taxes honestly? Do we lie and bribe to avoid getting a 200 rupee ticket? Do we stand up and fight for our principles? What is it that we are doing wrong and how can that be avoided?

Zindagi jeenay kay do hee tareeqay hotay hain. Ya tou jo ho raha hai ussay honay do, bardaasht kiye jao, ya phir zimeydaari uthao ussay badalnay kee.

There are only two ways to live life. Either keep enduring whatever is going on or take responsibility to change it.

Think about it. If we can’t do anything else, we can at least mold our personal lives into those of good Pakistanis. We can all play our respective parts and hope for a collective better future. We need to change ourselves first before expecting anything to change around here.

Khuda nay aaj tak us qoum ki haalat nahi badli, Na ho khayaal jis ko aap apni haalat kay badalnay ka. -- Allama Muhammad Iqbal

New Presidential Candidate

2008-10-23T01:43:00.016+06:00

A funny thing happened at work today.

We (me and a dozen other colleagues of mine) got this email from another colleague that carried the title ‘New Presidential Candidate: It’s Someone We Know’. It appeared as if it was a spam but we all opened it anyway (yes, we work a lot), only to find out to our utmost surprise that a friend and a colleague, Bashir Phaddu (not his real name, if someone is snooping), is coming on strong in the US presidential race and might even end up being the eventual winner.

Here is the excerpt from the webpage, which can be reached here.

Two weeks ago, a caller to an online talk show complained about the limited political choices. After lamenting about having to vote for the "lesser of two evils," the caller said you could probably pick someone at random who'd be a better choice for President. A short time later, another caller said, "I've got this friend, Bashir Phaddu who'd be perfect as president... sharp, level-headed, and a great decision maker!"
Things have exploded since then, thanks to the power of the Internet. People embraced the idea of picking a political outsider at random, and they began calling it the "Phaddu Factor." In more than half-a-dozen metro areas, signs are going up, all promoting Bashir Phaddu for President.
Unfortunately, no one knows who it was who suggested this random nominee... and no one is sure where Bashir Phaddu is. Several groups have hired private researchers to find the real Bashir Phaddu. It's going to get interesting!

The news website also claimed that a total of 14,972 articles had been written on the mystery candidate Bashir Phaddu, more than double than that written on Joe, the plumber. It also included a clipping of one of the news reports (which I missed initially as it was a bit too embedded in the web page and looked like an ad) on Bashir Phaddu that showed how quickly Phaddu Mania was catching up and how there were ads everywhere on billboards, buses, taxis (and other very less likely places) cheering this anonymous contender.

All this, of course, was very surprising brand new information for us all, including Bashir Phaddu. What made it even more shocking was the fact that it could have been a mere coincidence. We all knew that there could be a million Bashirs in the world but there was only one Bashir Phaddu. How the buzz got generated was the million dollar question.

When dug into, it was found out that the story was initially spotted on the Internet by some university classmate of Bashir Phaddu and he had sent that on the class emailing list from where it got to our colleague. The information didn’t help much because Bashir Phaddu couldn’t find out about the person who actually called Amaireeka up and shared the Phaddu legacy with them.

Anyways, we all had a very good laugh and one hell of a lunch gossip session with The Honorable Mr. President To-Be. Bashir Phaddu, on the other hand, freaked out for some not-so-obvious-reasons and he didn’t want to discuss the matter in public. He feared that the waiter at Roll Corner might be an Al-Qaeda activist or a CIA agent (he always got our bill wrong) and his name might end up in that notorious missing persons list. And as we all know, there is still no Iftikhar M. Chaudhary, so the guy had a point.

I hadn’t seen the video by that time. So I tried to catch that when we got back from lunch. I also wanted to read more about Bashir Phaddu (after all, there were 14,972 articles about him online). To my surprise, googling Bashir Phaddu didn’t return any results.

This was suspicious. You know what they say, “if it’s not on Google, then it doesn’t exist”. I browsed to the link sent by our colleague again and saw the video. There was definitely something wrong. The whole video clip never actually narrated Bashir Phaddu’s name and it only appeared embedded in the video stream. I had seen this kind of stuff before so I instantly knew all this was fake, which was further verified by the following text (and the link) present at the end of the same page that nobody had bothered to pay attention to till then.

Computer programmer reveals that this website is a practical joke, and that you can make a version with your friend's name on it to trick them.

When clicked on the link, it takes you to a form where you could enter any two words (for first and last names) and you can have a website like that erected in an instance, which you can later use to freak people out. Well, it doesn’t actually erect a website; it actually just puts the two names in the URL’s (the long text that one writes in the address bar to go to a website, for the uninitiated) query string in parameters altf and altl for first and last names respectively and presents you that. To hide the obvious, it also encodes the parameters a little by replacing each character with the one succeeding it in alphabetical order (Bashir becomes Cbtijs and Phaddu becomes Qibeev; the character z is replaced by 8). When the link is browsed to, the web-server (the computer that handles requests for the webpage, for the uninitiated) does some tag replacements on its end (among other things). In the end, you get the web page with text, the video and the embedded name. Feel free to try it here.

I shared my findings with others (except Bashir Phaddu, of course). He was left hanging out there to dry up. He ended up calling his friend that initiated the link, only to be embarrassed and to find out about the trick from him. Relieved that he was under no immediate threat from the CIA or the Al-Qaeda, he then sent us the page again with a different name thinking he was the first one to crack the thing. Of course, that didn’t help much with the humiliation.

To be honests, we all ended up being the losers here, the biggest being Bashir Phaddu. After all, it’s a shame that it took more than 5 minutes for around a dozen software engineers to figure the whole thing out.

And to my surprise, some are still clueless.

It was quiet a fun day at work, though.

Hello, Gorgeous!

2008-10-21T00:22:00.008+06:00

It seems that not everybody in Pakistan is annoyed with or making fun at Zardari's famous flirting attempt with Palin. Apart from giving the whole world a good laugh, the whole nation a good humiliation, and earning Zardari a fatwa, some people also find it encouraging and heartening, apparently.

Here is a letter from a reader that was published in Dawn on the 17th of October, 2008.

IN her column, ‘Hello, Gorgeous’ (Dawn Magazine, Oct 12), Anjum Niaz has noted: “Ever since she (Sarah Palin) won the beauty contest way back in 1984, she’s had men telling her how gorgeous she is. The latest being our president”. In the end, she has written: “A piece of advice to the men in this country: stop calling women ‘gorgeous’!”

I am afraid she is being a spoilsport: why deny our men the few opportunities they get to vent their feelings? If Mr Zardari wanted to call Ms Palin ‘gorgeous’, or felt like hugging her, it was a normal male instinct, wasn’t it?

This reminds me of an incident from long ago. During my first visit to the West, which occurred when I was a youth, one evening, while strolling back from the Eiffel Tower, I encountered a charming young Parisian woman. When our eyes met, she smiled. At the time I didn’t know it was common courtesy in the West for strangers to smile if their eyes happened to meet.

I thought that since we didn’t know each other she must have smiled at someone else who may be walking behind me. So I turned around to see who it was the damsel was so pleased to see, but found nobody.

Belatedly I realised it was only me that she must have smiled at. Feeling very elated by the thought, I quickly glanced in her direction and thought I should let her know how much I, as a friendless man in a foreign land, appreciated to be smiled at. Also, could I please be smiled at by her for the remaining few weeks that I was going to be there?

However, lack of courage, or inexperience, kept me from doing that. I am about as old as our president — give or take a few years — but, to this day, I haven’t forgotten that incident, nor have I ever been able to overcome my cowardice. But, Mr Zardari’s example has given me courage enough and the next time I come across a pretty lady in the West (but never in Pakistan), I am going to tell her how gorgeous she is, regardless of what my better half or anybody else thinks about it!

A READER

Karachi

Well, the guy certainly hasn’t gathered enough courage yet to sign the letter with his own name for his better half to know about his intentions. I, thus, find it a little hard to bet on him fulfilling his childhood obsessions at this age.

Thank you Shairani for sharing this. I wouldn’t have found it myself in a hundred years. :)

Tada,

Home Alone

2008-10-20T02:20:00.011+06:00

I had been home alone.

My parents were out for vacations lately. Well, in fact, I had gone with them but had to return earlier because of office and all. So, I had to spend a couple of weeks alone, all by myself.

I assume that most of my readers (just like me, myself) live in a society where people usually stay with their parents till death do them apart, there will be plenty who haven't have had this experience ever. Let me share mine with all those (un)lucky ones.

Well, I spent the whole time in my living room. I didn’t even unlock the doors of the other rooms of my place. Neither did I unpack my travel bag.

The TV, my laptop and the Internet were my lifeline most of the time:

The sofa that was used as a bed:

This is a view of my pressing table after week one. And we don’t even put the worn-out-clothes-ready-for-a-wash here:

The dining table, where I had been having all the meals:

OK, enough for the pictures. Let's list down the pros and cons of living alone.

Here are the pros:

One doesn't have to worry about getting home late. In fact, one doesn't have to worry about getting home at all.
One can have friends over for days (and nights) without any hesitation and have console wars with them on the wackiest titles and watch movies with them with the highest volume.
One can do stuff they couldn't do with people around (omitting the details of that intentionally).
One saves valuable seconds not worrying about closing doors behind while using washrooms (this could be a life saver, believe me).
One can sing as loud as they can while bathing.
One can sleep anywhere, anytime, in any way they want.

That is pretty much all that I can think about right now. And now, the con list:

One has to manage everything by themselves; even the petty-little chores (like the availability of milk for a cup of tea) that they thought were being taken care of automatically. It gets annoying at times.
One has to live in a dirty place if they don’t know how pocha and jhaaru work.
One is all alone and there is nobody to take care of them (this could be dangerous if something serious happens). This also results in missing meals (and other stuff) at times.
One has to spend money on socks (among other things) just because the all existing pairs stink badly and need a wash.

In a nutshell: It’s awesome on one hand, it sucks on the other.

My parents are back and life is back to normal now. I kinda miss living alone but am also a bit relieved. After all, I couldn’t keep spending my hard earned money on socks and I was about to run out of clean shirts as well.

I had plans to post this earlier but I didn’t. I had read somewhere that there had been incidents of people being robbed because they had shared too much information about their whereabouts on social networking websites. So I held it back till the return of my family.

So all you robbers and thieves out there reading this, you missed your chance. I am no more alone. Better luck next time.

Birthday Bling

2008-10-16T23:47:00.016+06:00

Yesterday was my birthday! I turned [bleep] this Thursday, the 16th of October.

Well, I have been home alone lately. So, I wasn't really expecting a blast at this birthday, certainly not a big one. Still, my day didn’t go well by any standards.

The celebrations started fine. I received a call from a friend fifteen minutes before the clock ticked midnight (and my day). Apparently, people felt sleepy and they wanted to wish me and hit the bed. I accepted the wish graciously. I had to; I didn’t have a lot of choices.

I then received another call from another friend ten minutes before time. This time, the urge was to be the first ones to register their wish with me. Sweet! But of course, they weren't amused upon knowing that they had been beaten to it. I tried to cheer people up by telling them that had they even won the rat race, they would have still been a rat. No, that was something that I said to some other friend some other time at some other place. But I said something on similar lines here, which I can't exactly recall right now. And as far as I know, it worked (this might change when the friend reads this).

The trend caught on and I received another call around midnight. And then, another friend called five minutes after midnight, talked for another couple of minutes and then wished me thinking that the clock had just changed dates and they were in fact the first ones to wish me. I had to correct them that it was actually seven minutes into the day and their watch needed repairs. All this was also said in a very grateful tone, of course, and I wouldn't have made the correction had I not been asked whether they were the first ones or not.

And that was all. That was all I got before I went to sleep, waiting. I know it sounds lame, but I expected a lot more people to remember it. Anyways, I thought sleep had gotten to people and I should go to sleep myself. That is exactly what I did.

I got up in the morning by a congratulatory call from one of my fellow gangsters. There was also a message lying in my inbox from another one. There was still light, I told myself and headed towards my office in a joyous mood. But it was short-lived.

It was a suprise to see that nobody in the office knew that it was my birthday till after noon since that is when birthday wishes publicly appear on our company’s local portal. A farigh (free) few, that actually go to that portal in the middle of the day (the rest do it first thing in the morning), caught that and spread the word. But I didn’t get a lot of wishes, even after that.

My team arranged a small surprise birthday party for me after lunch. It was actually a surprise, a very pleasant one for that matter, since I was having a dismal day. It was, in fact, the most enjoyable thing that happened on my birthday, barring the usual lunch gossips, of course.

Even my siblings forgot to wish me on time. Wish accuracy was only 33% for my 3 younger ones, which is pretty disappointing.

People have been wishing me all day long on Facebook (boring!) but that doesn’t count, does it? Everybody wishes everybody else on Facebook; it’s not a big deal. And besides, good friends either congratulate you in person, at best, or via a personal message, at worst. So, I didn’t include Facebook wishes here.

Well, all is not bad. The good thing is that my ice-cream list for tomorrow (it’s a stupid tradition at our office) is very small, which means far less money spent than last time. Plus, all my close friends are gonna realize that they missed wishing me sooner or later (I’ll make them, if they don’t; this post is gonna help) and that is when I get my leverage and use this to taunt (and haunt) them for the rest of their lives.

All in all, I had never had this many friends of mine forgetting my day altogether as I have had this time. So, it’s kinda disappointing. And as much as I tell them that it’s OK, it's actually not. It sucks! Damn you, all-my-so-called-friends-who-forgot-my-birthday! :P

Na, just kidding, I love you all! It’s just the recent solitude that’s getting to me. :)

And for all the people who did manage to remember my birthday, thanks a ton. You guys really made my day. :)

And that’s all for my rants for today.

And We Lost Again

2008-10-14T16:54:00.006+06:00

In case you didn't know, Pakistan lost to Sri Lanka in the final of first ever Al Barakah T20 Canada Championship 2008 last night after staying unbeaten in all the group matches of the four nation tournament.

This is the third time in a row that our team has fallen in a final after playing splendidly in the group stage. First it was the Twenty20 World Cup Championship 2007 where Pakistan lost to India in the final after being unbeaten all along, and then it was the Indian Cricket League last year, where Lahore Badshahs went down in the finals after thrashing almost every team.

Like, WTH? Should we stop watching T20 cricket tournaments after the group stages?

Me And My Photography

2008-10-06T13:55:00.007+06:00

As I had stated here, photography was one of the two things that I had been trying lately. If you are reading this, you probably know about my blog already (and are a fan, I hope). Let me tell you about how photography has been working out for me.

After I had decided that I would try out photography, I needed a camera. I already had one but it wasn’t advanced enough for professional photography, just a simple point-and-shoot thingy. I needed a better device.

I have this friend. I had thought of better names but he wants to be credited as Hungry Joe here. Anyways, Hungry Joe had this camera, which was pretty high-tech. The camera was so good that even Hungry Joe, with all his hunger, was able to take commendable pictures at times. I had always envied his camera and the attention he got at flickr because of it and wanted to have my share. So I came up with a plan.

I convinced Hungry Joe that his camera sucked and he sucked even more with his camera than without it and he should let it go. I also told him that I was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and would bail him out and buy his camera so that he could buy himself a newer model from the proceeds. I, in-turn, had plans to sell my own not-so-high-tech camera to Sheikh Sahib, another colleague of mine, to get some refund on my investment. After all, I was just an amateur to be spending this much on photographic equipment when I didn’t even know what aperture was and how shutter speed affected photos.

After a lot of convincing, harassing, and emotional-blackmailing, Hungry Joe finally agreed on getting rid of his camera and selling it to me. He gave me the go-ahead to close the deal with Sheikh Sahib, which I did successfully. Of course, my convincing, harassing, and emotional-blackmailing skills came in handy there as well.

Everything was going according to plan until the day Hungry Joe was to deliver me the camera.

And that eventful day, Hungry Joe, instead of delivering me the booty, told me that he was forbidden by his parents to sell his camera. You know, the typical ‘ammi nay mana kiya hai’ (my Mom has forbidden me) excuse! Well, it’s amazing how it works even at the age of 25. I myself successfully used it later for bailing myself out from my commitments with Sheikh Saahib, but that’s another story all together.

Hungry Joe thought that he had betrayed me (the good guy that he is, he was still under my convincing, harassing, and emotional-blackmailing trance) and as a remedy for what he had done, he offered me to buy me some equivalent equipment from the market on similar rates. We went to the local camera market with a friend that evening and were successful in finding a piece which, if the shopkeeper was to be believed, was a genuine, seeing-is-believing kind of thing and was both tried-and-tested and untouched at the same time.

After some negotiations (from our side mostly as we suck at bargaining) I got myself a Canon PowerShot S3IS which was incidentally the same model that Hungry Joe had. It has a 12x optical zoom, is semi automatic (or semi-manual, whatever that means), has a retractable LCD and can capture images up to 6MP.

I have been trying it out lately. And I have a page of my own at flickr now.

Yay!

I Miss Home

2008-10-06T13:28:00.005+06:00

I miss home and my routine life.

I have been out on vacations for Eid in Punjab and none of the places that I stayed at had Internet connectivity. And since I use my laptop for Internet browsing purposes only, the poor thing, after travelling a thousand miles by road on its own, has been rendered useless as well.

Three days before my departure back to Karachi, I finally managed to get myself a dialup Internet connection here. It was only then that I realized that it was better to not have any connectivity at all than to wait for minutes for pages to load only to find out that the line had secretly dropped and there was no booty in store. Just imagine trying to check out dozens of new email messages and facebook notifications with such connectivity and you’ll know the irony.

I miss home. There is no place like it.

I am coming back Monday night. My family is staying back for a relative’s wedding so I am looking forward to having my place to myself and myself only for a week. After all, it’s fun not having to worry about others around while doing stuff.

Tada,

The Neo-Con Zions Are Trying To Hijack My Blog?!?

2008-09-24T15:14:00.018+06:00

It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

Well, since we are already notorious for blaming Amaireeka and the neo-con zions (which, BTW, is a hit term these days since it adds an evil-alien-monster-kind-of-a-dreadful-villain-image to the situation) for everything that is wrong with us and the world (and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING including, but not limited to instability, terrorism, injustice, inequality, poverty, hunger, global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, AIDS, Cancer, PPP, PML, MQM and the Republicans) I think I should try hitting a new low now.

But I am not fully insane to make such a claim.

A funny thing happened last night. I was showing off my blog to one of my friends. He lives in Vilaayat; let's call him Motus here for the sake of his privacy (and for other obvious reasons that I better not state here for the sake of my security).

Here is about the conversation that took place between him and me.

Me: (hello, hi and stuff!)

Motus: (hi, hello and stuff!)

Me (posting the link to my blog): Did I tell you about this?

Motus: Uff blog! Let me check.

Motus: This is your blog?

Me (thrilled, thinking that Motus is overwhelmed with the level of intellect there): Of course, it is.

Me: (the cute little embarrassed smiley to show humility and gratitude!)

Motus: Are you serious?

Me: Yes, I am serious.

Me (a bit annoyed now): What? You think I can’t have a blog on my own?

Me: (confused smiley!)

Motus: No, you can. But is this your blog?

Motus asked me to accept an image file. I, being skeptical about what might be going on, approved, downloaded and opened it.

What appeared before me was an image of his browser window that he had captured and it showed some biblical site biblecollegeonline.com under my blog domain. Below is the image:

Apparently, when Motus typed the URL of my blog in his browser go-to bar, he, for some God knows what reason, was directed to biblecollegeonline.com. I tried navigating to the blog myself to see if it was true. Yes, my blog was there, preaching Christianity, claiming to be an easy to navigate mega-site of Bible, Christian church and religious information, sermons and studies.

Me: What the hell?

Motus: Haha, this is your blog? Nice blog, Dude!

Me (flattered!): They hacked my blog! I didn't know it was this popular already.

Me: (the cute little embarrassed smiley again!)

Motus: Why on earth would they do this?

Me (breaking all previous personal records for humbleness and humility): Well, off the top of my head, they envy all the hits and comments my blog has been getting. Not a lot of people would visit biblecollegeonline.com, you know!

Motus: Hmmm, yah!

Baffled, I logged on to the main blogger website to check if my account was still there. It was. I went to my profile page and clicked on the blog link from there. It showed all my rants successfully.

Me: Try it again. I saw that website initially but now I get my blog.

Motus: Nopes, still the same thing.

Motus: Have u heard the strings new album?

Me: No, I haven’t.

Motus: (surprised smiley!)

Me: Dude, let’s just concentrate at the issue at hand right now. Why you can’t see my blog, that is!

Motus: OK.

Me (impatient now!): Try some other blog and get routed here. Try googling for my blog. Try doing something, Man!

Motus (a few minutes later): Yah, I got it now. You probably need to promote your profile page. Your blog is accessible from the link available there.

Motus: When did you become Libra?

Me (totally blown off!): Dude! THE ISSUE AT HAND, PLEASE!

Me: I have always been Libra, by the way. Libras are the best.

Me: (the cute little embarrassed smiley one more time!)

Me: Try again.

Motus: Yah, now it is going to your blog.

Motus: Be careful, though. If you promote this blog of yours, people might get wrong ideas about you.

Me: So what you are saying is that I need to tell people now after showing off my blog domain name that if they see a Bible website there, it is not me?

Motus: Indeed!

Me: This is pathetic.

Motus: (laughing!)

Me: (sad smiley!)

Motus: (more laughing!)

Me: Stop laughing, Man!

Motus: It’s funny.

Me: It’s not.

Motus: It is, trust me.

Me: No. It's pathetic.

Motus: Yah, it is a bit of that as well.

Me (signing off!): Bye

So, if you are not on my blog right now and are reading about Bible instead (I know it’s a stupid statement), let me assure you that I have not converted and something or someone, somewhere at the domain name resolution service headquarters (if there exists such a place) is screwing up.

Not to mention, we now have another reason to hate the neo-con zions if we didn’t have enough already.

Tada

So Why Did I Start Blogging?

2008-09-17T16:23:00.006+06:00

Well, here is my second post, the first being the same 'Hello World!' one that I had posted at the other three blogs that I started (yes, there were three).

Most of you ... naa, most of you is a bit too strong for a second post on an unknown blog ... some of you ... eeh, some of you is a bit overwhelming as well ... So, YOU must be wondering why I jumped into the blogosphere all of a sudden? Is this just another blog? Am I gonna put something here or will it stay untouched for the rest of its life like the other three? And was Zulaekha male or female?

Wonder no more and keep reading, answers lie right ahead.

Well, it all started around a few months ago. You see, I have recently graduated from the business school that I had been attending for my MBA degree. It was an executive program so it pretty much took all the time I had left after work, family, friends, sleeping, eating, drinking, TV, internet, movies, books and all. Yah, I know what you are thinking. I agree that at times, 24 hours can be too little a period. But let's keep that story for some other day and concentrate on the problem at hand.

As I was saying, I had finished my grad school and all of a sudden, I had this ample supply of a resource called time. For the first couple of months, I ended up doing what our politicians do to our national resources. Wasting it like hell, that is. But then it occurred to me that this thing should be put to some better use.

I started short-listing activities, which I could master, be awesome at and then proudly list as hobbies in my profile later (and remove 'wasting time' from there for good). Keeping in mind my physical fitness level, I didn't consider activities that carried the least amount of physical activity. I thought that it wasn't any use trying to improve something that was already this close to perfection (pun intended!). The ones that made the cut were blogging and photography.

So, here I am, blogging my way through the web. I am gonna rant about random stuff relentlessly, here. I am gonna use this forum to try and say things that need to be said. I am gonna try and make a difference and make myself heard. In short, I am gonna try and get things fixed around here.

As Adlai Stevenson puts it: "It's better to light a candle than to curse darkness." I want to light a candle, as little as it may be, do my part and hope that others do theirs. Who knows, there might be light someday!

So, that was about me and blogging. I'll tell you about my photography stint some other time. For now, just know that I have taken the first step, have setup a flickr account and have added a few photos from my visits to vilaayat so that I have something to show: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bhattijawadali.

And Zulaekha was female.

Adios

Hello World!

2008-09-11T01:16:00.003+06:00

I am JDee and this is my diary. Most of the time, I’ll use it to blurt out stuff from inside me and talk rubbish.

Beware, things could get nasty and parental guidance is strictly recommended.

Happy surfing. :)